The Climb

On Proving Yourself

2012-01-25T06:00:00.000-06:00

I took my friend out to lunch yesterday afternoon. No big deal, just the lunch special at Applebees, but she was very upset about something and I wanted to treat her.

As we were leaving the restaurant, we passed the woman who fired me and the owner of the company I had been fired from. I turned and smiled, calling out a friendly hello. Even though I had been fired, I understood the need to do so. I still don't understand why the person who created the situation has yet to be punished, but that's no longer my problem. I am a bigger person, and I will be okay.

But it got me thinking...since I lost my job last April, I have been excluded from any function these people have been invited to-just in case they were to show. As though I was the bad person, and my presence would make for an uncomfortable situation. I am not a hateful person. I've had nothing but respect for my former employers. I even like them, to this day.

Clearly, they don't feel the same way.

I'm not one to handle judgement well. If someone tells me I can't, I show them I can. Since losing my job, I've been bombarded with people asking if I'm 'okay'. They are concerned I'm not doing well.
I'll say this: I'm not making the money I used to. I don't have a steady income, and I'm wondering how I'm going to make my next car payment. But don't you dare tell me I can't make it in this world in spite of that fact.

I'm a hard worker, and I know what it's going to take to make it doing what I love. And I will, someday.
Someday, I will prove to everyone that I have what it takes. That I can do it, whether they believe in me or not.
The past couple of years have been overflowing with people who seem set out to get me. They wait for my failure. They want to see me fall.
But I know the day will come when I can look at those people, the ones who lied to me, who betrayed me, who tried to ruin me, and I will show them how wrong they were.

I hate to think that part of why I write is to prove others wrong. But it is. Even though I'm not getting paid for it YET, I'm doing exactly what I love to do. And I WILL make it. I will be the one who is happy, while they feed on the misery of others.

Has anyone ever told you you're not good enough to do what you love to do? Have you ever proven them wrong?

Much Needed...

2012-01-17T13:28:00.000-06:00

As I'm sitting in my bed(yes, it's 1 PM, no, I don't care, have you seen the snow and wind outside???? Okay then), stalking Twitter and considering when I should suck it up and just START WRITING, damn it...I saw this, retweeted by Roni Loren:

http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2012/01/17/25-things-writers-should-start-doing/

And I read it. The whoooooole thing. And I laughed and I pondered and really wished it weren't snowing so I could go for some Dunkin Donuts coffee so that I could come back home, get under the covers, and WRITE.

But it is snowing, I am freezing, the coffee will have to wait.

The good news is that this wonderful post helped me to say STFU to my pathetic excuses and just start writing.
So I am! I hope everyone is having a wonderful, inspired day!

The No Kiss Blogfest!!!

2012-01-02T21:38:00.000-06:00

Hey, everyone! Sorry I'm a little late. I've been waiting for this day since January 3rd of LAST year! Y'all need to head over and check out all of the entries in the No Kiss Blogfest, hosted annually by Frankie. It's something you don't want to miss! :)

Here's mine...a scene from a little story about revenge and what can happen when someone goes terribly wrong...very rough, but I'm excited about it!

Ella checked the towering grandfather clock for what seemedlike the twenty-seven hundredth time that evening, realizing she had only anhour left to sneak away from the ball without anyone noticing.

Of course,that was proving impossible considering her Cinderella-like entrance. Brent hadn’t taken his eyes off of her once,even while dancing with the most beautiful women in attendance.

The urge tostay in the ballroom and pretend this magical life was hers to enjoy foreverwas too tempting, and Ella took a deep breath before sidestepping out thedouble doors. She hoped no one saw herleave, especially Brent. She had afeeling he would make this difficult for her.

The mainstudy was down the first hall on her right, and she half-jogged, half-glided,kicking off her heels as she went. Theywere too much of a hindrance and way too loud.

Glancing overher shoulder, Ella leaned into the heavy door, twisted the knob, anddisappeared into the silent blackness.

The room waschilled, lack of life evident. When shewas a child, she spent plenty of free time flipping through the pages of herfather’s thick novels while he pored over business paperwork. Now the only movement she ever witnessed inhere happened when she came in to clean the nonexistent dirt. And, of course, when her stepmotherinterviewed her.

Ella sweptacross the room, holding her dress up off the floor to avoid tripping. The bookcases appeared exactly the same asbefore, nothing more, nothing less. Sheducked down behind the desk and tried the center drawer.

Locked.

Threedrawers, two shallow and one deep file drawer, were on the right. She tried each one, failing at opening any ofthem.

“Damn,” sheswore, smacking an open palm against the glossy top. She should have thought this through. Of course the things to be hidden would besecure from outside tampering.

“Cinderellaonly left behind one slipper, you know.”

Ella spunaround, her dress catching on the rolling desk chair and tearing with ahorrible ripping sound.

Brent stoodin the doorway, leaning against the frame, her heels dangling from an indexfinger. Ella couldn’t see his face inthe dark, but she could imagine the fire shooting through his eyes, a strangerrummaging through his home like a regular klepto.

“I waslooking for…the bathroom,” Ella improvised.

“Behind thedesk?” He wasn’t convinced, and steppedinto the room, tossing the shoes onto an armchair. He moved slowly, arms crossed over his chest.

His featurescame into focus, but they weren’t angry as she expected. Rather, they gave awaynothing but intrigue, a small smile turning up the sides of his mouth.

“Tissue,”Ella said, yanking one from the box on the corner of the desk. She was never more thankful for herstepmother’s idea of a masque to disguise eligible women from her son. If he had any idea who she was, it was herneck. All of her hard work would havebeen in vain.

“Ah. I see.” It was obvious he didn’t believe her, but Brent said nothing to suggestit. He just kept moving closer, nowhooking his thumbs in his pockets.

Ella steppedbackwards, panic making flight impossible. “I didn’t mean to make you suspicious.” She hit the corner of the room, a few books toppling on the shelvesbehind her. She ignored them, obliviousto everything but the close proximity between her and the man who could ruinher.

“I know you,don’t I?”

She shook herhead, a furious move that rattled her brain and made her see stars. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Yes. I do. I recognize your eyes.” Brent wasnear enough that he could see them, although she was certain the color wasindeterminable in the lack of light. Still, she was thankful she chose to leave her disguising brown contactsin her bedroom. Turquoise was not thecolor anyone would expect in her eyes.

“Do you knowthat you’ve been the talk of the party?” Brent grinned, his pearly whites visible, lighting up the space.

Ellaflushed. “Don’t you mean the talk ofyour engagement party?” She couldn’thelp the stab. This wasn’t the sameparty thrown every year. Her stepmotherhad made a mockery of the event.

Brentchuckled. “I get the feeling you’rerather dissatisfied. I’m not what youexpected?”

What sheexpected? He was nothing she’d everexpected. She’d expected, or maybe wanted, for him to be a disgustingexcuse for a human being. He wassupposed to be snide and cruel, someone she’d enjoy humiliating.

Granted, hewas rather sarcastic, and he definitely knew how hot he was, but cruel wassomething she knew he was not. Andtonight, in his dark gray suit, baby blue shirt, and white tie, his ocean eyeswere visible across the room. His shaggydark hair was unkempt and probably a thorn in his stepmother’s side, but itmade him that much more appealing. Hestood with confidence but made it clear he wasn’t interested in a gigglinggirly girl who would feed his ego. Andhe kept saying things like, ‘Right, then’, and, ‘Piss it’, when he wasangry.

She neverexpected a guy like him to be so charming and sexy. It had to be the British thing.

Still, shehad no idea how to answer that question.

“I’mwaiting,” Brent said. One more step andhe would be nose to nose with her.

Ella liftedher chin, the sequins on her silver mask catching the moonlight andhalf-blinding her. “I expected no lessthan what the evening delivered,” she finally answered. There. It revealed nothing, yet sounded insulting. She was proud of herself.

But Brent’ssmile simply widened. Was he laughing ather?

Without herrealizing it, the tips of his shoes touched the tips of her toes and he tiltedhis head down, lips centimeters away.

Oh, God. Ella sucked in her breath, trying to thinkquickly. If she let him kiss her, shewas done for. All of her work would befor naught. She could never findvengeance against his family if she fell for him. It was impossible. Not to mention rude.

Although theidea of torturing him by allowing the kiss and then disappearing forever wastempting…

“I make youuncomfortable,” Brent whispered, and she could smell mint on his breath, as ifhe’d just brushed his teeth. He brushedhis thumb against her cheek and she felt her knees shake.

Damn, he wasgood.

“You thinkvery highly of yourself,” Ella retorted.

He chuckledand leaned further in.

Kiss or no?

Do it or don’t?

“I do,” Brentsaid, stepping away. “And you shouldleave before I have you thrown out of my home.”

Ella staredat him, the way his eyes hardened, his arms crossed severely, his firmstance. The complete opposite of the manshe was falling for. And exactly thejerk she expected him to be.

He lookedfrom her to the door. “Goodbye.”

Ella didn’twait, turning on her heel and booking out of the room and out the front doors.

On My Mind...

2011-12-27T00:17:00.001-06:00

What an amazing weekend! After posting my story on Friday, I received compliments from a ton of people who were astounded by the story...and plenty more who kept repeating, 'you should be a writer'.

In answer to them...I'm trying! Someday, I PROMISE, I will be on a bookshelf at Barnes and Noble. It's a promise to myself. One I will keep.

The most important thing that came from that story, however...is that it helped people. People who are hurting, people who can't move on. I've recieved messages from family and friends who have shared it with others, people I've never even met...and it's helped them heal, helped them find hope again.

That? Is exactly what I've always wanted to accomplish with my writing. I write for myself, of course, but along the way, if I can touch someone who is reaching out...my job is done. I consider that a success in itself. I don't have to be famous. My words matter to someone.

I'm not alone in this process. Someday, I will have a dedication inside the front and back cover of a story that's all my own, but it will mean nothing without the people who helped me get there. You know who you are. I am endlessly grateful for your words of encouragement and inspiration. My writing friends, even though I've never met you...you are family. To my family and friends, soon enough, you will see.

It starts now.

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas(My entire family is sick with either a cold or the flu...touche, Santa.)!

Don't forget to sign up for the No Kiss Blogfest hosted by Frankie on January 2nd! Third annual! Can't miss it!

What do you hope to accomplish with your writing? Is it strictly for you? Or do you write for something greater? I would love to hear...

* Believe *

2011-12-23T05:20:00.000-06:00

'Angels deliver fate to our doorstep' -Jessi Lane Adams

Coincidence or a miracle? You decide...

My dad was the one you averted your eyes from.
He was the one who made you clutch your purse tight against your body, grasp your children's hands tighter.
He was the one you crossed the street to stay away from, the one you pretended didn't exist.
My dad endured stones being thrown at him, literally, simply for breathing the same air as the 'better' people.

My dad was homeless.

For my entire adult life, I had no idea where he was, if he was alive or dead, warm or cold...safe or in danger.

Four years ago yesterday, I was called to the hospital where I said my final goodbye, where I held his hand, told him I loved him, and felt him squeeze mine back, the slightest of pressure but SO real...he died the following day, the 23rd. Today.
I never truly moved on.

This year has been more than trying for me. While I'm much happier than I was last year, the struggles I've had to wade through have seemed catastrophic and impossible at times. In April, I lost my job after 12 years of dedicated service because of someone else's dishonesty. In July, I had to find a new place to live because I could no longer afford my apartment based on unemployment. I had nowhere to go but backwards, and I was determined to stay afloat unless living in a box was my only other option.

Then I met Christine. She is a bartender at the bar I 'frequent', but we'd never spoken on a personal level. She barely even knew my drink order. One night, Christine was at the same bar where I was with friends. Her own friends had just ditched her and she spent the night depressed and angry. Somehow, we started talking and I learned that she needed a roommate to keep up with her mortgage. I expressed my need for a room and by the end of the night, it was settled. I was set to move in as soon as my lease was up the next month.

We have lived together since, but never really got into the nitty gritty of our pasts. Then one night, we began to share. I opened up, told her about my father and how I had to grow up earlier than most.
Her first question was, 'He wasn't homeless around Joliet, was he?'.
Yes. He was. She asked his name, and when I told her(Frank), she didn't recognize it.

Then she told me about the homeless men who would come into the bar for free drinks most of the bartenders would hand out. How she never gave them free liquor, only free food.
She mentioned one man, a man the whole bar knew as 'the dirty hippie', and how she could sense something different, more trustworthy in him.
After a while, this man became her friend, a confidant. She drove him to the store, brought him food and blankets where she knew he was staying, allowed him to sit in her warm car on cold winter nights. She expressed how she longed to invite him into her home, give him a warm bed and a hot shower so that he wouldn't have to suffer in the cold, but couldn't because, after all, who knew who this man really was?

I was struck by my roommate's kindness. How many people would do this for a homeless person? Not many at all. I'd always wondered if my own father had been greeted with such compassion.

She told me that this man had saved her life one Christmas. She'd been in a dark place with her own family, her own father. And this man shared his story with her, the story of his family, of his daughters he'd left behind. He told her that fathers made mistakes, but she needed to understand that hers loved her, the same as he loved his own family. Then he hugged her and promised her that she mattered. She never saw him again.

Christine began describing this man...dirty, with longish graying hair, a chip in his front tooth...

"My dad had a chip in his front tooth," I interrupted, astonished. But really, this couldn't be that uncommon, right? Lots of people had chips in their teeth. Especially alcoholics who were prone to falling down and having accidents. It happened.

But just to see, Christine sent a text message to a former bartender, a guy who worked there at the same time. She asked who the homeless man they called the dirty hippie was, did he remember his name?

His reply came in one word: 'Frank'.

This homeless man who saved Christine's life, this man who lived across the street from the very place I was working, this man who was a mystery to me....he was my father.

Today, my dad's ashes are in an urn in my bedroom. I keep him with me because for the first time since his downhill turn, I know where he is. I never have to wonder again if he's cold or hungry or hurting. He is in my care and that is exactly where I've always needed him to be. With me.

My father's ashes are in Christine's house, exactly where she wanted him to be, in a warm home where she knew he was safe and taken care of. A stranger's compassion a surreal reality, four years later.

It's as if he's here right now, making sure I'm taken care of, helping me along this rocky path. I'm convinced he is the reason Christine and I met that night.
Everything happens for a reason...I was meant to meet Christine because she was the one person who showed my father that no matter what, he was important.

My father saved someone's life days before he lost his own.

Now he's saving mine.

I've never been a terribly religious person. I believe in God, I couldn't imagine making it through a day without some kind of Christian music flowing through my speakers in the car, and I pray often, but I don't attend church and I don't preach. I just believe.
But I can't imagine how anyone could not believe in SOMETHING besides coincidence after this.
There is no way that's what this is.

What else could it be?

This is, without a doubt, the greatest Christmas gift I have ever received. I now know that someone cared for my father, that someone gave him the kindness he needed...even if he wasn't father of the year. I'm now convinced he lived across the street from my work because it was the closest he could be to me. He was there and I never knew.

I owe so much to Christine. I only hope that she knows how much she really DOES matter.

Whether you believe in God and miracles, or nothing at all, I hope that this story helps you realize how important the people in your lives are. Never waste a day with them...tell them you love them.

And never EVER write a person off as worthless.

You never know when they might be an angel in disguise.

Merry Christmas to all of you.

And to my father, Frank Kuiken...you were always meant to be an angel. RIP.

~~ Special Invitation ~~

2011-12-19T22:28:00.000-06:00

I'm still making my way around to all of the Deja Vu Blogfest entries since my computer isn't very Julie-friendly lately...
And I just wanted to invite y'all to stop by this Friday, the 23rd, for an extra special post. If you want a Christmas story, I have the ultimate.

I'll be linking to it through Facebook as well, so if you want a reminder, just friend me! I never turn down blogging friends. :)

Hope to see you on Friday!

The Deja Vu Blogfest!

2011-12-16T06:00:00.000-06:00

Today is the Deja Vu Blogfest, in which everyone participating has to choose a former post to REpost. Check out all the entries, there are TONS!

The following is a post I wrote last year when I was at my worst(at THAT point...yeah). I was going through a horrible time and my friends here were such a huge help. I love you all for everything you've ever said or done....you're all an inspiration.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

5-12-10

For the Love of....!!!!

Everyone has heard that love conquers all.

And for a while now, I've strongly doubted that. In fact, I've scoffed at the very thought.
But very recently, I made a discovery: Love truly does conquer all. All doubt, all pain, all anger....it will all vanish if true love is there.

When I say this, however, I do not mean that love for someone else will conquer all of the darkness that hurt and betrayal leave behind. Because how can you love someone else before you learn to truly love yourself?

You can't.

I've been going through such a dark period of my life lately...darker than any other I've faced before.
I've given up the two things I love the most in my life: writing and reading. Because taking part in either activity left my brain boggled and my heart aching. I stopped feeling for these things and I knew it wasn't right.
How can the things I love the most leave me so stressed out?

I couldn't concentrate on fiction because I couldn't relate to it anymore. I had so much going on, so much tension in this very real world, the land of make believe no longer held the magic it once had.

The last time I posted here, one person said something that really made me think.

Candace at Candyland left a comment that stated, 'Sometimes the best stories are our own'.

It's not like I haven't heard that before. But when I saw it written before me, in response to everything I had poured into that one post, something clicked.

I was going about my healing process the wrong way. I couldn't use my current WIPs to get me through this. I couldn't escape into a book the way I used to because I couldn't relate.
You must write the story you wish to read.

And what more could I want to read than the outcome of my current situation? What would help me more than writing through my troubles?

Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
Because writing is what I am. It's not just a hobby. It's a way of life. A lifeline.
And I finally grabbed hold of that rope. And I'm pulling myself out of the ravine, one word at a time.

Things won't get better as quickly as I'd like. But they will get better. And thanks to one person who helped me open my eyes, I'm going to get there the only way I know how.

I'm sure you're wondering how this ties into love conquering all. Writing is my one true love. It will always be there, will always be a part of me. Writing is a way of loving myself.
It's not selfish. It's self love. And you must must must have self love in order to make it through life happily.

I still doubt the notion that love will conquer all when used in reference to a romantic relationship or an outside relationship at all. There's always going to be dealbreakers.
But love for yourself absolutely will conquer all. Because I love myself, because I am taking the time to do what is right for me, I know that I will come out of this mess a much better person.

I don't plan on trying to publish what I'm working on right now because it's for me, but at least it will give me practice!

I'm slowly but surely making my way back into the blogging world. I don't feel overwhelmed anymore. Thank you to everyone who left a kind comment, to everyone who paused to think of me,even for a second. Your support means the world!

Until next time...

Yay For Exciting Things!

2011-12-12T08:00:00.001-06:00

My first order of business when rejoining the blogging world was to go in search of blogfests, something to get me back out there. Of course, I knew that the 3rd annual No Kiss Blogfest was coming up on January 2nd, just like always and it's my absolute FAVORITE. Everyone should run over and sign up right away because it's just the best.
I also joined the Deja Vu Blogfest on December 16th, which means I'll be rereading all of my old posts. Could be fun! I can't wait to see what everyone chooses for this!

I'm really enjoying getting back into the swing of things, checking out what I've been missing and getting to know the writing world again. It's inspired me to write as much and as often as I'm physically able to. I can't wait to get started!

Are any of you joining blogfests? Which ones?

Well...Here We Go Again

2011-12-05T20:05:00.000-06:00

I don't know how many posts I can begin with 'sorry I've been absent for so long'. I can't even imagine how irrelevant people must find my blog anymore. I would.
But.
I'm going to try.
So much has happened over the past few months-some good, some bad, some horrible, some amazing.

If anyone is willing to come around after so long, I even have a story to share around Christmas that will hopefully inspire you as much as it's inspired me.

I'll try to stick to a schedule...once a week, most likely Monday since I'm off work(yay for getting a job! More later), and then I'll go from there.
The truth is, I miss all of you! My blogging friends feel like real life friends and I hate being away.

I feel as though I'm starting a new chapter of my life and writing is a massively huge part of it. So at least I'll have something to say! ;)

Just wanted to say hi, and let you know I'm around. Hope everyone is well and I can't wait to hear from you again!

SHHH!!!!

2011-08-22T00:22:00.000-05:00

....I have a secret....

I've found THE ONE. You know...the one who makes your heart flutter with that feeling of magic...

I fall asleep with this One on my mind and think of this One each and every morning, first thing. I dream about our future together, about the happiness I know we'll have because, well, this is just IT.

My appetite is failing me(which is good, actually ;)

I've actually stayed in on several occasions to spend hours staring into bright eyes full of promise and meaning. Sometimes I don't even get out of bed.

To say this is an obsession is an understatement. This relationship is all-consuming. It is unique. It is beautiful.

It is perfect.

I've never fallen so into my writing as I have been over the past several weeks.
This feeling is something I've never experience before and it is by far the best in existence. Nothing has ever topped the euphoria of finding THE ONE.

What did you think I meant!?? Hahaha.

I've had the title for years. I just didn't have the story. Weird, right?
And then one night, I had this dream.
And then I saw this movie.
And then I logged onto Facebook and saw this post.

All of which I'll talk about later.

Let's just say all of these things were overwhelming and screamed in my face...and I got the hint.
I've hardly done anything but write since.

All I have to say???
THANK. GOD.

I've been waiting for this.

Writerly Distractions

2011-07-27T00:03:00.004-05:00

CANNOT. STOP. WATCHING. And laughing.

Just because it's super funny.

Because I challenged a guy to a synchronized dance session the next time I saw him and have spent all my time memorizing these ultra-challenging dance moves(the running man?? Hell yeah.).

Also, I read 2 full books in 1 day, cleaned my whole apartment because I had a date, and made brownies. They were yummy.

Anyone else have something to distract me??

Anti-Me

2011-07-15T13:27:00.009-05:00

The past three months have been really tough for me. I lost my job, I'm still dealing with a certain ex which makes him feel like a current, not an ex, and I need to find a roommate and move so that I can afford to get by.

Things aren't cool.

I've never been out of work before, and I've worked for the same company for such a long time, I'm afraid I won't be able to find a job doing anything but that which I hate.
The worst is applying for job after job and receiving no response. Then suddenly, this week, the only response I've gotten is 'thanks for your application but you're not the right fit for us'.
It's completely disheartening and my stomach lurches everytime I open one of those emails.
It occurs to me that this is good practice for when I start querying(this year), so I'm glad to build a thick skin. But on the other hand, my survival relies on the 'we want you' email or phone call. I NEED this.

In the meantime, I'm trying my hardest to be disciplined with my writing but all of this job hunting has me feeling seriously discouraged and I'd rather sleep a few extra hours.

The good news(because there must always be good news after the bad)is that I spent the past two days doing things that are inspiring to me. Today, even after a rejection email, I feel that someday I will touch people the way I've been touched this week.
Want to know what I did??? Of course you do!!!
I....

Went to see Josh Groban!!!

He always puts on an amazing show and I had so much fun! Also, I converted a friend into a Grobanite which is all sorts of awesome. Even better, he explained the meaning behind one of his songs and it was like he'd written it for me. Here it is:

LOVE.

Also, here's me with my ticket. I was THAT excited.

And THEN!!!

I went to the Harry Potter 7 double feature last night with my two girlfriends. I was crying at the opening credits of the new movie. Also, I converted that same friend into a Potterhead.

Seeing this movie kind of felt like saying goodbye forever to my best friend. Everything fell into place, I was happy to see my favorite characters in the world, but when it was over, I felt empty inside. Is that weird? Almost like there was this void that could never be filled because it was just done. I can't believe it's all over! And I'll never see Ron Weasley again.

Super sad face. :(:(

BUT. Even through the emptiness, I still had that inspiration tugging at me, and I spent this morning thinking that someday, I WILL touch people the way I have been touched by these things.
I can't live in this hole forever, waiting for the day something will fall into my lap. I have to make it happen. I have to be Anti-Me.
Starting today.

What I Should Be Doing At 1:35 AM...

2011-06-29T05:00:00.003-05:00

...Is sleeping soundly.

Not. Happening.

So.

I was going to post a review of this AMAZING book I just finished last night except that I may have had a glass(bottle)of wine and cannot currently form a coherent sentence to save my life. And I have all these quotes I want to find to further emphasize the AMAZINGNESS of the book I just finished so I need to do that when the words aren't dancing across the page before my eyes. Weird that I can still type this, I know...

Anyway.

A couple of other things.
It occurs to me that perhaps my lack of discipline has something to do with this:

This? Is my workspace. Everyone has posted a picture of their workspace, and now I'm posting mine.
Please, let me elaborate on the items in said workspace:

1. The AMAZING book I just finished, which I will review when I am fully sober and full of AMAZING quotes.

2. The 3 books I started reading today, all at once, stacked one on top of the other for my viewing pleasure.

3. 2 drinks to fulfill my inability to commit to any one thing in my life. A glass of wine and a bottle of water. (I understand that this actually makes sense, but an hour ago, a cup of hot tea also sat beside the computer)

4. Earbuds, memory sticks, cough drops, chapstick, ibuprofen, CDs, the Target bag which earlier tonight held my new book and new movie, pens, makeup, remote controls, a notebook and sticky notes for my storyboard(not pictured).

5. Yummy smelling candle because I'm pretty sure something has died in my refrigerator except that I can't find it and I can't very well smell EVERYTHING in the fridge because what happens if I find the source of the dead smelling thing and it's so horrendous I actually barf which I am NOT cool with, so I just light candles in every room on the nights I take things out of the refrigerator.

6. My cell phone in case a boy calls. ;) Or just anyone calls. Because I've given up on men.(Boys)

7. Perhaps the most important, my laptop, where I create things that I am not disciplined enough to finish. :\

8. My floor cushion. This cushion, believe it or not, boys, is NOT a cat bed. I can't even begin to tell you how many boys think I store a cat bed beside my coffee table(yes, it's a huge clock, yes it works)which, you know, totally makes sense since I have NO cat. This is where I park my behind when the discipline takes hold.

I hope you enjoy my workspace. Because I do. Even though my butt falls asleep after about 20 minutes and the TV is perfectly situated right above the computer for maximum viewing, and I don't have much space for my multiple beverages and I'm always afraid I'm going to spill on my computer...

Stay tuned for my review of the AMAZING book I just finished. I believe I'm a little behind on its release date, but please, people, let's keep in mind that I'm UNEMPLOYED and looking for a sugar daddy and can't always keep up on the awesome books out there. But I'm trying.

And if you know of any sugar daddies...well.

Just kidding!

Does anyone else out there have ridiculously messy workspaces, or am I alone??

Forever Fear

2011-06-01T11:03:00.000-05:00

I've noticed something about myself recently.

I'm a commitment-phobe.
And I don't just mean with my relationships. Although that's a definite problem, too.

Thinking about my day-to-day, I've realized:

1. I don't have MUST-SEE-TV. I have 2 shows I love but I always miss them. Why? Because there's always something else going on and I can't make myself sit at home for any length of time to watch them. This also means I zone out when everyone is talking about said shows. Not fun.

2. I ALWAYS have at least 3 drinks within arm's reach. Usually water, iced tea, and hot tea. Or coffee. Because what if while I'm drinking my hot tea, I get too warm and I need something cold? How long does it take to finish a drink and move on to the next? Not long. And yet I can't handle it.

3. I have about 4 books I'm currently reading. I always have another option. This is an expensive habit. Perhaps I should think about that library card...

4. I have yet to make it past a second date without getting that twitchy, panicky feeling. What if there's someone better out there, someone with more in common with me? As of late, I've actually had my pick out of several men and I ran screaming in the opposite direction. Isn't this every girl's dream??? Not mine.

5. I've finished writing one book in my life. My ideas change with the season and although each story has huge potential(in my opinion!), I can't seem to finish writing one without moving on to another which "might" have a better chance of publication. I understand the need for discipline in my writing schedule and for writing down future ideas to leave them simmering on the backburner. I just can't seem to make it happen.

I'm not sure where this fear of commitment came from, but I do know it's something that needs to be rectified. I'll never make it anywhere in life if I'm always shoving away the Eh's before I've attempted to make them Ah's.

I suppose the easiest thing to start with is my drink collection. Today, I vow to finish one whole drink before pouring another! ;)

I want to change my writing habits for good, to focus on one thing at a time to make it the best it can be. I'll deal with the other big stuff later!

So I ask, have any of you dealt with this before? And what did you do to fix it?

T is for...Tea!

2011-04-23T23:10:00.007-05:00

Because tea fixes everything, in my opinion.

Upset stomach?

I highly recommend mint tea. Not only is it yummy, but the peppermint soothes the icky feeling.

Bad day at work?

Pretty much any kind of tea helps with that, but I prefer black tea.

Super hot day outside and need immediate refreshment?

Iced tea. Nuff said.

Can't sleep?

Sleepytime tea. Mmmm yum.

Heading south?

You better specify if you DON'T want sweet tea. Because that's what you're going to get! And it's goooood when made by a true southerner. :) (Shoutout to my special GA friends!)

So the next time you need a beverage of any kind, give it a try! There's something for everyone.

S is for....Shopping!

2011-04-23T22:56:00.003-05:00

I'm not your stereotypical girl. I hate Lifetime, despise dresses, and really just can't stand shopping.

UNLESS...

I've recently developed an obsession with all things Guess. Shoes and handbags, to be exact. Perhaps this is a problem considering I am also unemployed.

Also? I'm pretty sure Guess is a gateway drug to....

Donations, anyone?

R is for....

2011-04-21T07:36:00.001-05:00

Robert Loggia.

O is for 'Oh my God, it's Robert Loggia'.

I adore Family Guy. It's one of my weird 'things'. I can't sleep if I haven't watched the show from the comfort of my couch(or any couch, really). Yes, strange.
I have a few favorite moments and when I first read about the A to Z challenge, the VERY FIRST THING I thought of was 'R is for Robert Loggia'.
I even wrote it on a post it note so I would not forget to make that my R day post.

So without further adieu...here's some Robert Loggia for ya.

My favorite part of this clip? 'Space'.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Funny.

Q is for...Quiet

2011-04-20T14:52:00.002-05:00

I hate the silence. If it's too quiet, my ears start to ring and I go a little stir crazy. This is especially troublesome given the fact that I live alone.

So usually you will find me with headphones in or the TV on, or sometimes both!
The music in my car will be loud, partly because I love to sing loudly and partly because I can't stand it any other way.

I don't like awkward silences. I need to be having a conversation with whomever I'm sitting with or I just get annoyed. So those friends who call just to call and listen to you breathe over the phone?? Please text me, thanks.

Although I can't concentrate if music is playing while I'm writing, I need to have some kind of background noise which usually means the TV is on low so that there is a constant hum around me. Weird? Perhaps.

This goes hand in hand with white walls. Painted walls, no quiet. I guess it has to do with my personality which is definitely loud.

Anyone else love the noises of the world more than the quiet??

P is for....PROCRASTINATION AND ALL THINGS EVIL

2011-04-19T13:20:00.005-05:00

Because really, procrastination IS evil.

It is my second day off work, I have made my writing station, I have hot tea, sweet tea, chocolate, a notebook and a pen....and I'm ready to write.

But then I realized I had a story that could fit into 2 two genres....one of which is fantasy which I want to write. But I don't want to always write it so...perhaps I'll keep it realistic. But I JUST DON'T KNOW!!!! (whiny tone here)

But then I realized I wasn't wearing the clothes I wanted to wear. So I changed.

But then I realized the show on TV was annoying. So I channel surfed until I found something pleasant, if not distracting.

But then I realized I hadn't uploaded the pictures off my camera in WEEKS! so of course I had to do so. And I just realized I haven't put them on facebook yet. Hmm.

But then I realized I hadn't made a blog entry for P today. So I had to sit here and think of words starting with P.

I came up with procrastination.

Irony.

Ooooooooo

2011-04-18T21:31:00.003-05:00

I have absolutely no idea what to write about for the letter 'O'.

So I googled 'funny words that start with o' and as I scanned a rather large list, I decided these were most 'me':

oenology-study of wines
oenomancy-divination by studying appearance of wine
oenomania-obsession or craze for wine (er...this is me??)
oenometer-instrument for measuring alcoholic strength of wine
oenophile-one who is fond of or loves wine (me!! This is me!)
oenophobia-fear or hatred of wine
oenopoetic-of, like or pertaining to wine-making

Therefore, I am an oenophiliac?? Rad.

Also, this one is hysterical:

onomancy-divination using a donkey or ass

WTF.

oose-furry dust that gathers under beds

Who knew there was a word for this besides 'just dust'??

And I love to do this:

osculate-to kiss

Thank goodness o day is over. This was too much for my brain to handle at the moment. Perhaps I'll be better at q.

N is for...

2011-04-17T21:18:00.002-05:00

New Beginnings.

It's been a helluva year for me. 11 is my lucky number so I figured 2011 was going to be my year.

Turns out my strength is being tested pretty much on a daily basis. The bad news? I'm kinda stressed. The good news? I'm much stronger than I originally gave myself credit for.

I've spent this entire year so far trying my hardest to rectify a pretty big problem at work. (Not caused by me, by the way, but that didn't seem to matter in the end)
Friday was the worst of it and I barely had time to breathe between running between buildings and working with the president of the company to figure things out.

And at the end of the day, I heard these words: 'Thanks for all of your hard work this year, but we're going to have to terminate you'.

REALLY!??

The worst part of the news was the word 'terminate'. Like I was a bug meant to be squashed beneath one of her alligator stiletto pumps. 'You must die'.
That sort of thing.

I'm broken hearted because after almost 12 years of working there, my coworkers were no longer coworkers. They ARE my family.
I can't imagine going more than a weekend without seeing each and every one of them.

HOWEVER.

After considering all of the crazy, bad, ridiculous things I've faced this year, I realized something: everything happens for a reason. I've always thought so. But for the first time in my life, I can finally see it for what it really means.

Without getting into too much detail, I can tell you that the ridiculous things I will be facing in the upcoming weeks are happening all at the same time for a REASON.
And I KNOW I will come out on the other side a stronger person.

I'm taking some time for myself for a little while...get my head clear and maybe take advantage of all this writing time I've suddenly received!
It's a blessing in disguise. A new beginning.
And as scary as the situation is, I'm so looking forward to it.

Have any of you dealt with anything you were afraid you'd never make it through and come out stronger on the other side? Tell me about it!

M is for....

2011-04-17T21:14:00.003-05:00

Middle Sister wine!!!

Sorry I'm a little behind. My excuse will be under 'N'. :)

For now....it's a wine kind of night and I'm partaking in my newest favorite Chardonnay, Middle Sister!
It's just yummy in all kinds of ways.

What's your favorite wine? Any suggestions? P.S. Keep it cheap! ;)

L is for....

2011-04-14T13:10:00.006-05:00

In case you haven't guessed, L is for London!
I've always wanted to visit. If I ever had a dream vacation in mind, that would be it.
Of course there are plenty of other places I want to see in my lifetime, but London brings to mind so many magical images. Characters, writers, the ultimate in fantasy.
Someday, I vow to go. Maybe soon. Maybe I'll snag myself a British hottie. ;)
Such as...

*Drool*

He wants me. I can tell.

How about you? Is there anywhere you dream of visiting?

K is for...

2011-04-12T22:20:00.005-05:00

KICK ASS!!!!

Because that's how I feel right now. I spent the past year worrying about my taxes because I had a feeling I would get royally F****d by my ex-husband.
Let's just say he's not the greatest person in the world and he owes me a lot of money among other things....all things I'm expecting to never see again.

So when I FINALLY finished my taxes tonight(yes, I'm a procrastinator, what of it??), I received the best kick ass news ever!!!! Turns out, HE is getting royally F****d this time!!!
Justice, yo.

Also, this post should stand for kissing. Because I like it. And because I'm looking forward to a THIRD date with someone tomorrow night. :) Where I will be kissed.

J is for....JULIE!!

2011-04-12T13:36:00.002-05:00

That's me.

And I'm awesome.

I'm sure I've introduced plenty of quirks about myself around here but today I'm going to list completely obscure things...kind of a character sketch of myself, things you wouldn't necessarily need to know about but make me me.

1. I don't bite my nails, but I gnaw my cuticles. Not cute.

2. I can't even look at a picture of a spider without gagging.

3. Everytime I buy a book, I have to buy a bookmark to go along with it but then I promptly lose them.

4. I probably have about 30 journals, most of which have one or two entries and then nothing. My life is scattered.

5. I can't go underwater without holding my nose.

6. I hate post-it notes that are boring original yellow. Give me hot pink.

7. I'm only comfortable taking pictures in a group setting after I've had a few drinks.

8. I cannot read library books.

9. I've been at the same job for 11 1/2 years but I've probably only done about 9 years worth of work. Shh!

10. One of my biggest pet peeves is being reminded to do things I always do or already know I have to get done. Leave. Me. Alone.

And now, for the fun part, ask me anything! I'm pretty open so I'll answer anything.
Happy J Day!

I is for...

2011-04-10T22:50:00.005-05:00

Ice cream!

I love ice cream. But I'm kind of picky. Or boring. You choose. My favorites? Chocolate. Haagen Dazs Chocolate Peanut Butter. Dean's Moose Tracks. Anything chocolate and peanut butter. Anything with fudge.
My least favorites? Anything with fruit. Blech.

Ice!! I can't drink anything cold without ice. I mean, what's the point, really? And I always order beverages with extra ice so I have something left to chew when I'm done drinking. I hate ice that's too hard to chew. I prefer bagged ice or crushed/crunch ice. Does anyone else know what crunch ice is???

Imagination. Mine might be wild, but I wouldn't want it any other way. I think y'all know what I'm saying. ;)

H is for....

2011-04-10T22:17:00.001-05:00

Hi!

That is all.

G is for GROBAN Love

2011-04-08T13:50:00.005-05:00

I have an obsession. This obsession was brought on by complete chance.

While walking through Best Buy one afternoon years and years ago, I noticed an endcap display of some new singer, Josh Groban.

I'd never heard of him, didn't know what kind of music he sang, and didn't find him particularly attractive(because, let's face it, sometimes a sexified man is a total selling point!).
But I shrugged my shoulders and picked up this CD:

And I fell in love(and offically think he's the sexiest man ever. It's the curls. And the voice. ;)

Since then, I have been to see him in concert(best. show. ever.), I'm going again this summer, and I have all of his CDs.
Also, I'm pretty confident that should I have the chance to ever meet him, he would fall instantly in love with me too and know that we should be together forever. And if I'm married when this happens, too bad for my hubby. ;)

I'm not a crazy person. Really! Haha.

There's just something about him that soothes me, no matter how upset I am about anything. In the car, in a bubblebath, while I'm writing(p.s. it's the only music I can listen to that helps me write without distraction)...he's my music soulmate.

Everyone should check him out. You won't be disappointed!

SO.

SEXY.

Does anyone else have a strange obsession like this??

F is for....Fabulous Friends!

2011-04-07T15:15:00.003-05:00

Because they are the best anyone could ask for. :)

E is for...Empty

2011-04-06T14:49:00.003-05:00

I have absolutely no brain power today. :(

For some reason, finding something to talk about that starts with the letter E is completely throwing me off.

I do have a couple things to spout off about:

I am EXCITED for the gym tonight!

Work is EVIL.

It makes me lose all of my ENERGY.

And sometimes I would like to close my office door and make EVERYONE leave me alone.

Sigh...

Keep your fingers crossed that F provides me with an excellent topic!

D is for Disturbing

2011-04-05T13:52:00.003-05:00

This was in the dumpster outside my apartment this weekend. I'm pretty sure it escaped and is now hiding underneath my bed holding a bloodied knife it stole from its previous owners who clearly hated it seeing as how it is missing an arm and its leg is cracked off.

WTF.

Anyone else have a creepy scenario for this demonic doll??

C is for Courage

2011-04-04T11:44:00.006-05:00

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. ~Ambrose Redmoon

I chose Courage for today because it's something I believe strongly in, something I've been well rehearsed in for the past year or so.
It's the one thing each and every one of us who are pursuing our dreams of publication must have.

I never would have dreamed of this as a career if I didn't find the courage in myself to do something about it. And I'll keep trudging up that mountain until it happens.

Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared. ~Edward Vernon Rickenbacker

Without courage, I would be in a horrible place right now. It took every ounce of courage I had to leave a terrible situation, fear being the one thing that held me back.

On the same note, I don't believe that courage could exist without support from amazing friends and family. Without certain people in my life, I don't know where I would be right now, and some of my blog friends are to thank as well.

Fear and courage are brothers. ~Proverb

I don't think that any of us know who we really are until we are forced to dig deep and find out exactly what we are made of.
So to anyone who is having a hard time right now, dig a little deeper! Your courage is there. :)

B is for...BOOYAH!!!!!!

2011-04-02T17:51:00.007-05:00

Because it's a fabulous word and almost as good as shouting the 'f' word when you're pissed. Very satisfying. One definition, taken from Urban Dictionary, says:
Often Said when 'schooling'/beating your competition... almost as is you were sayin 'in Yo' face Mo'Fo' (Hilarious)

Today I have a couple of booyahs for y'all:

I bought these awesome shoes I'm going to attempt to walk in. BOOYAH!

I was given this award by Sylvia van Bruggen which is all kinds of awesome. Thanks, Sylvia! BOOYAH!!

I had an awesome first date last Saturday and then a surprise party thrown for me in which HE ATTENDED. That's good, right???(No pictures, sorry!) BOOYAH!!

P.S. The date is my favorite BOOYAH!! :)

And that is all for today. Happy Saturday everyone!

A is for Award!!

2011-04-01T11:07:00.005-05:00

Today starts the A to Z blogging challenge, something that crept up quickly and all stealthlike and now I have to come up with 26 things to talk about this month.

We all know how on top of my $#/+ I am, but I'm going to have a go at it anyway!

So today, happy Friday, April Fool's Day, here's my go:

Yesterday was my 30th birthday and amongst all of the texts, phone calls, emails, and Facebook wall posts, I received an email with a comment from the lovely Deirdra Eden-Coppel complimenting my blog and awarding me this:

What a fantastic birthday gift!! I felt all warm and gooey inside. It's always an honor to have someone tell you they like what you do. So thank you so much, Deirdra! You gave me something to smile about on a day that just made me feel old. ;)

This really is a lackluster first attempt, I know, but I promise that at least one out of the twenty-six posts I'm going to do will be stellar. Phenomenal. Rad. And in honor of the letter A: AWESOME.

Fo shiz.

Self Publishing....Yes? Or YIKES!?

2011-02-25T08:00:00.000-06:00

I'm going to go with YIKES.

You were expecting a serious post?

Sorry.

I am NOT saying that authors who self-publish made the wrong choice. No way, no how.
We all share the dream of publication, of seeing our amazing covers with our names in bold print splashed across the bookshelves. However any of us get there, that's awesome.

I just started reading a self-published book, purchased in support of the writer who is a family member of a close friend. I was excited and I wanted to be a cheerleader and besides, I considered self-publication myself, especially after reading so many articles on it as of late. I wanted to see what it was all about.
Because it couldn't be THAT bad, right?

I'm not bashing the writer. The idea was original, creating its own sub-genre which, interestingly enough, was just blogged about by the great Talli Roland today. But from the first page, I understood why this particular writer went over working for an agent and opted to self-publish.
A Prologue AND two words repeated at least six times in only two paragraphs. On the first page!

The story seems to center mostly on his love for his wife(who he addresses by name, every. Time. He speaks.)which would be great(not the name part)if that's what the theme of the book was...but it wasn't. It was a murder mystery and in the first few chapters, I learned more about the MC's thirty year marriage to his wife and how 'lucky' he was than I did about the creepy mystery that needed to be solved.
Not to mention, a forty year old man who frequents the term 'crud nuts' as a curse word...well.
Really?
Kind of hokey. Just a bit. Or a lot. Just sayin.

I know that this author attempted the agent route. No dice. So he did it on his own. And I can't help but wonder if that's truly the way to go if you can't handle the rejections or the criticism or something.

I don't know about you, but I would rather have someone tell me when something I write isn't going to sell and WHY and LISTEN to them rather than just say 'screw you' and do it myself.

This is one hundred percent my own opinion and I know that this isn't always the case. It's just my first meeting with self-publication and you know what they say about first impressions.
It scared the option right out of me.
So I'll be looking forward to those rejections, THIS YEAR. And I can't wait.

How about you? What do you think of self-publication? Yay or nay? And why?
Also, if you have a self-published book you know about that will stick my foot in my mouth, please share! I'd love to be proven wrong.

Bernard Pivot Blogfest!!!!

2011-02-16T14:23:00.004-06:00

Nicole at One Significant Moment at a Time is hosting a get-to-know-you blogfest today! I'm super late in signing up but couldn't resist taking part.

Check out all the other entries, too!

1.What is your favorite word? Pfft. Is that a word? Because I use it a lot. Like, everyday, all day. More than my favorite curse word.

2.What is your least favorite word? No. If you use the word no on me, I will do my best to find a way to make it yes. It makes me crabby.

3.What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Music. I can find inspiration in almost every song I hear. And I love all kinds.

4.What turns you off? Negativity!! In any way, shape, or form. I hate when people don't believe in themselves or others.

5.What is your favorite curse word? FUCK. Come to my work and you can hear me fling this word around more frequently than any other word...yes, I realize this is unprofessional and no, I do not care.

6.What sound or noise do you love? lawnmowers. I know, weird. But it reminds me of spring and summer and childhood for some reason.

7.What sound or noise do you hate? Phones not being answered at work. I've been known to slam my door because the sound drives me insane. Am I the only one who stays at her desk???

8.What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Dance! I love to dance, and I would love to be a backup dancer for someone awesome and exciting.

9.What profession would you not like to do? Scoop poo. I mean, seriously? Ew.

10.If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? "Now the party can start!!" Haha.

Now on to the other participants! Enjoy! :)

Spreading the Love

2011-02-14T16:20:00.001-06:00

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

I am celebrating my Valentine's Day in my Zumba class(LOVE)with a very dear friend, then dinner and drinks with another very dear friend. Who needs a man???

What are your special plans for this very lovey day?

Cocooned

2011-02-01T20:30:00.005-06:00

When I open the blinds in my apartment, I see nothing but a frosty window, the outside glass caked in a thick blanket of snow. The wind is howling so loud, my TV is turned up a few notches higher than I would normally keep it. I have no idea what is happening in the outside world, except for maybe a few status updates on facebook. I have no idea if I'll be able to make it to work in the morning because I can't even see how much it has snowed in this ridiculous blizzard.

And I love that.

While everyone else in the area frantically emptied grocery stores(just in case we would be snowed in until the end of time) and scoured hardware stores for shovels and salt(where were these people when it snowed the 857 other times this season??? Did they just leave the snow to pile up in their driveways? That's just silly. Not to mention rude.), I was imagining all the time I would have to sit all by myself and just daydream(don't worry, I have food).

With my laptop open in front of me, a glass of wine, and yummy smelling candles lighting the space, I am in my own world, free to let my characters roam the page, growing and living.

I actually hope to be snowed in tomorrow so that I can live in this solitude for a little while longer, doing exactly what I love.

Anyone else out there in this situation? Or maybe you're looking forward to building a snowman? I hope to make a fort since they're promising a few feet out there. ;)

What kind of special writing time is your favorite? Any storm lovers besides me?

2nd Annual No Kiss Blogfest!!

2011-01-02T23:52:00.006-06:00

I'm late. SO late. But here I am, with 8 minutes to spare before the No Kiss Blogfest officially ends.
This also means I'm late to read everyone else's entries, but I can't WAIT to get started!

To read all of the amazing scenes, head over to Frankie's page and check them out!

Until then...here's mine. Completely unedited, and completely new for me. I've never written from a guy's point of view, but I can kind of relate to this....so don't be too hard on me!

Her name glowed from my cell, tempting me to send the stupid text message. It was just a question, nothing suggestive. Well, given the time, I supposed it would seem suggestive. Midnight wasn’t the time to send a friendly message.

But there it was, typed out, waiting for a whole hour while I built up the courage to hit the Send button.

Liquid courage. I stared at the bill in front of me, almost fifty bucks worth of beer and shots. My buddy Steve sat beside me, his drunk grin in full force tonight. Hell, I was pretty messed up myself. I wasn’t sure why, but I could never just make the damn call. Something about her…

“Mike, dude,” Steve stage-whispered. He leaned over the barstool so that his nose was nearly touching mine. “See those chicks over there? Let’s go.”

I glanced over his shoulder at the two women throwing darts across the bar. They were cute, sure. But they weren’t her.

I shook my head and focused back on my phone. Without another thought, I hit the send button. There. Done. A simple question: ‘What are you doing?’

She answered right away and I hid a smile. I sometimes wondered if she waited around for my text or if it was all in my head. I read her short answer: ‘Nada. You?’

I sucked in a breath, contemplating how to ask the major question. I wanted to see her. It was nothing new. It was how our relationship had been working for months now. She always came to get me, we always spent the night together, an agonizing night of cuddling and nothing more. I wasn’t sure what we were waiting for, but we hadn’t even kissed yet. Maybe tonight…

Her apartment was warm and smelled like Christmas, a combination of freshly baked cookies and pine trees. I would never admit it out loud, but her tiny apartment felt more like home to me than my own. She felt like home.

“Thanks for picking me up,” I said, kicking my shoes off in the corner and shrugging my jacket off. I tossed it over hers on one of the kitchen chairs.

Jane turned to grin at me, her green eyes rolling good naturedly. She was used to my late night texts to be picked up at the bar. Damn. I needed to learn how to be sober around her. I could barely function with her in the same room.

I watched her flit around, handing me a cold beer, tossing her shoulder length blonde hair over her shoulder as she leaned into her refrigerator for the glass of wine she kept cold while out to pick me up.

We did what we always did: watched TV, joked about stupid shows, reminisced about our childhoods, and delved into serious topics like what we wanted for our futures.

And then we were both yawning and I knew it was time for bed. A wave of terror swept over me, nerves about the moment that lay before me. I had to do it. This time, I had to make the move. Why did I have to suck at making the first move?

I undressed quickly while she was in the bathroom, making sure I was already under the covers so that nothing…ahem…gave me away as to how I was feeling right now.

She smiled when she came into the room, the same teasing grin she always gave, like I was a little kid or something. I wish I knew what that meant.

She didn’t undress until the lights were off, but I already knew she would be wearing nothing but a t-shirt and panties once she joined me under the blankets.

Despite the warmth of the room, I was shivering. She did this to me. I couldn’t even keep it from her, seeing as how the whole bed had to shake right along with me. Not to mention I couldn’t be away from her for even a second when we were alone in the dark, the silence around us deafening, reminding us of the huge elephant in the room.

She snuggled under the covers and before I could shift towards her, she propped herself up on one elbow and cocked her head at me. “Are you cold?”

I nodded, embarrassed. No, I wasn’t cold. Damn it.

Without hesitating, she rested her head against my chest and wrapped herself around me, her legs intertwined with mine, her arm rubbing mine gently.

I could feel my breathing pick up and I was sure she could hear my heart about to explode from my chest.

She moved her head and suddenly her warm breath was against my neck, sliding up to my ear.

Oh, God.

Did she know what she was doing to me?

I’d been staring at her lips for months now, wondering how they would feel against mine, if they would taste like the minty gloss she constantly applied. Months passing her office, pretending not to look as I walked by but always aware of her.

She was one of my best friends. I had no idea how to move things to the next level, even if the position we put ourselves in all the time suggested she felt the same way.

I lowered my chin so that her breath hit my mouth rather than my ear…that was way too much for me to handle.

“Mike?” Her voice was hushed and I could feel her heartbeat quicken.

This was it. She was exactly where I was. She wanted me. I wanted her. And I was pretty sure she was going to make the first move and I’d be home free.

“Yeah,” I replied, tightening my grip on her.

Her fingers lazily caressed my side, sending chills all through my body.

I moved my head closer to hers, my mouth inches away from capturing those lips with mine.

She caught her breath…and then sighed. “Never mind,” she said, disappointment pouring from her whole being.

Wait a second.

Cuddling? Check.

Heavy breathing? Check.

Mouths almost joined? CHECK!!

My sigh echoed hers. Well. She didn’t do it. And I officially lost my nerve after that.

Jane rubbed my arm and lifted her head. She smiled softly at me in the dark, her eyes twinkling from the moonlight through the window. “Thanks for being here,” she said, kissing me on the cheek.

A cheek kiss??

Ugh. I tried to smile back but it came out a grimace. “No prob,” I said, feeling like a complete ass.

She laid her head back on my chest and I closed my eyes.

Maybe next time…

Sigh...I really hope that someday, Mike makes the move. Because Jane certainly can't wait. ;)

Merry Christmas! or I Need A Happy Pill

2010-12-23T10:57:00.005-06:00

Two posts in one week! Merry Christmas, everyone! Haha.
It's been awesome meeting so many people through the Be Jolly By Golly Blogfest and I still haven't finished going through them all! It's part of my Sunday plan.

I'm writing today for two reasons:

1. It's Christmas and I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend full of love, magic, and surprises.

2. My father.

Today is the third anniversary of my dad's death. I've kind of been a nervous wreck all day today and I thought it would help me feel a little better if I wrote it down.

Without sharing all of the dirty details, I'll just say that the loss of my father has made me see the entire world differently. By the end of his life, we weren't close and I was lucky to see him on Christmas Eve each year. I was so hurt by the path he chose for himself, I wished for nothing but his unhappiness. I never wanted to see him again and I'm ashamed to admit that I once said I wouldn't be bothered if he died.

And then he did.

My whole world turned upside down when I got the phone call. I guess we're all one phone call from our knees, right? (Yes, I stole that. :)

For years, I knew I had wanted to write a story that centered on my father's life. I had something to say and I was going to say it. I've been trying to come up with the perfect plot ever since.
My story for NaNo was the first time I had really delved into any sort of decent plotline and now that it's over, I have a million ideas to make it even better.

I may not be over his death yet, but losing my father has certainly helped me find a part of myself. His choices have made me stronger and have pushed me to realize my dream.
He is my inspiration and for that, I am grateful. I look forward to a new year of writing and discovering myself and what I am capable of. Hopefully you'll all be able to read his story very soon.

Sorry for the somber tone of what was originally going to be an upbeat post! I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas!

Be Jolly By Golly!!

2010-12-20T08:00:00.000-06:00

It's time for the Be Jolly By Golly Blogfest and I'm THRILLED because it's been so long since I've had the chance to partake in any sort of blogfest. And what's better than one so Christmasy??

Check out Jen's page to see all entries. So many people have signed up which means NO WORK will be done on Monday!

The only real tradition my family shares each and every year is cookies. My mom makes hundreds of cookies and since I've been on my own, I try to do the same even though I'm nowhere near her assortment and I usually make pretty much the same things she does...
We always put up our trees the weekend before Thanksgiving just to get in the spirit a little sooner.
My own tradition? I shop too late, wrap too late(and so so very badly)and rush too much. But it makes me happy, so what the hey, right?

I don't have a special drink I make, so I scoured the internet to find something fairly simple to do and came up with this:

Noel Spritzer
Found on the Betty Crocker website and super simple. And it involves my BFF, wine. :)

2 cups dry white wine(I used Chardonnay)
1 cup Cranberry-Apple juice
1 cup sparkling water(I had to skip this...see picture below)

Mix and add apple slices or fresh mint sprigs.

A simple spritzer and SO good!

But...if you want to chill the sparkling water in a hurry, make sure not to forget it in the freezer!!

My favorite cookie to bake? Okay, friends, I need you all to lean in and pinkie swear you can keep this a secret. I make the BEST chocolate chip cookies. It's been discussed amongst everyone I know and voted on.
Here's the secret:
Buy Nestle semi-sweet chocolate chips.
Follow the directions.
BUT!
Add a box of instant vanilla Jello pudding to the flour mixture and when you mix everything together, make sure it's as smooth as a baby's bottom. No joke. If you don't mix it almost TOO much, the cookies turn out hard, even if you underbake them.
Next....underbake them! Just when the edges start to brown(more of a golden color)take them out.
I know plenty of people do the pudding, but if you don't do it right, it just isn't as good.
Enjoy!

As for my decorations, I'm still not where I want to be. I'm in a small one bedroom apartment so I have to make-do.
Presenting my favorites:

My teeny tree and my Christmas pillow which is so cute.

Part of my collection of Christmas trees

Some more stuff.

Little buddy. :)

And for some fun for you, check out this website where I get a million cookie ideas!

And now, I'm going to relax with a glass of wine before bed. Happy tradition-making!

In Which I Gush

2010-12-10T08:00:00.000-06:00

A couple things today.
First and most important is this blog.
I'm getting veeeeerrrrry near one hundred followers which is beyond exciting to me and I think I should do some kind of contest, but while I ponder that, it crossed my mind that I'm such an infrequent blogger and who wants to follow someone so unreliable?

So. With my schedule, I know it would be silly to try to post something everyday or even have a Monday, Wednesday, Friday post like so many of you out there. But I AM determined to do it once a week. At least. To start off with.
Starting with this entry, I am going to post every Friday. The content of these posts? Well, that will just be a surprise! I'm full of random, it's just me, so you should all just be familiar with that! :)
Check in with me every Friday and I *promise* to have something for you!
And I'll see what I can do about a contest, which I've NEVER HAD BEFORE. Yay!!

In other news, I just finished reading Anna and the French Kiss by the amazing Stephanie Perkins. It's her debut novel and I can't even begin to tell you how much I adored this book! The second I finished I wanted to start over again.

My review? AWESOME. AMAZING. MAGICAL.

BUY. THIS. BOOK.

Even if you aren't a gushy romantic like I am, this book is fantastic. It's about independence and love and moving on and forgiveness and friendship...the themes are abundant and it's such a great read.
As if I didn't want to visit Paris enough as it is, this made me want to pack my bags and have my own little romantic adventure in the beautiful city.(Perhaps I should get myself a passport, eh?)
Not to mention(and this is kind of embarrassing)the fact that Anna's relationship with St. Clair echoes my own with someone very dear to me and I felt as though my own life were being played out before my eyes. My poor friend(who knows the situation)was bombarded by text messages with excerpts from the book that were me to a T. Except that I'm 29 and not 17...which is awkward...

Every once in a while, I find a story that inspires me to keep going with my own writing. I knew I wanted to improve my NaNo novel and since finishing Anna, my own ideas have been shooting out of the creative corners of my mind.
I can't wait to get to work!

P.S.

BUY.

THIS.

BOOK.

And enjoy. :)

Things I Learned From NaNo and Other Exciting News!

2010-12-03T08:00:00.000-06:00

I won! Yay!!

So. NaNo is over and tonight I cleaned my apartment for the first time in a month. Let me just say...ew.
NaNo was one of the hardest things I've ever done because so much that could go wrong (besides my plot) went wrong.
BUT. I learned some stuff along the way.

1. YES. I can.

2. Consumption of beer is good for creativity.

3. Consumption of excessive amounts of wine is BAD for creativity. Well, it's REEEEAAALLLY good for it but not the next day when you open up your document and think to yourself, 'WTF is this crap? Who broke into my Word and typed up this nonsense???'
Yeah...

4. No one ever took this as seriously as I did so I was struggling to find writing time because I was too nice to turn down shopping/drinking/wedding offers. Because I didn't know how to express just HOW IMPORTANT this was to me.
Live and learn, I suppose.

5. I write best at the kitchen table with a cup of tea and complete silence all around me.

6. I am able to stay up until 5 AM and still make it through work the next day. Yay me. I might have fallen asleep on the floor in someone else's office but....(yes. This happened.)

A lot went wrong during the month of November but I can't wait until next year!

In other news:

I am SO EXCITED to participate in the second annual No Kiss Blogfest on January 2, 2011!! Last year's was a blast and I can't wait to do it again.

Head over to Frankie's page to sign up! Or if you don't want to sign up, be sure to bookmark her page so that you can read everyone else's posts!

And now that November is over...I can't wait to start reading again! :)

NaNo Oh No!

2010-11-16T11:30:00.003-06:00

What do you do when you're already WAY too far behind on your NaNo manuscript and you're wondering why you're so full of the worst kind of suckiness but you're still trying to muddle through because by golly, you WILL make 50,000 words by November 30 if it KILLS you(which it might)and all of a sudden you think to yourself: 'If I had written this in first person, everything would make sense and I could do this exactly the way I had it planned in my head'.

Here's what you do: you smack yourself in the face with your hand and possibly any objects lying around that won't do any lasting damage to your face because you're newly single and who wants to date a chick who has an imprint of a stapler across her forehead, right?
Because I can't possibly go back and change everything into first person because I'm just that far behind so it would be stupid and that's what revisions are for AFTER you finish the first draft. Right?

So my question is: would you continue writing in third person simply because that's how you started or would you switch to first person because it's just RIGHT and you know you won't have to muddle through to the end anymore, it will just happen because it's meant to be that way?

WHAT, MY WRITING FRIENDS, SHOULD I DO???

And is anyone else having a nervous breakdown about NaNo? Seriously.

Things I Learned About Myself On Day One of NaNo

2010-11-02T08:00:00.000-05:00

1. I have to pee every five minutes. Apparently, my bladder understands the need for procrastination.

2. I have restless leg syndrome. Who knew deadline writing could cause leg spasms??

3. Beer works almost as well as wine in terms of inducing creativity. Or just not actually caring what is being written....

4. This video? HilARious. And a great distraction from all things writing.

5. I'm sweating.

6. Writing is FUN when you haven't done it in almost a year...once you get the hang of it again.

7. Something in my apartment is burning, and I'm pretty sure it's my pants from the heat of my computer because it's been on for so long while I stare at things that say 'I pooted' and such and laugh loudly.

8. I have great friends who keep me on track and tell me to shut the ef up when I send random text messages about Cheese and pooting.

9. I wish I had chocolate.

10. I'm glad I don't have chocolate.

11. I can actually write two thousand words a night if I put my mind to it. And it's not all bad. :)

How is NaNo going for everyone else???

O...M...G...I've Done It

2010-10-27T14:23:00.004-05:00

It's been four months since I last posted which is completely disgusting.
So I'll just jump in here like I never flaked out on y'all and make my announcement:

I just joined NaNoWriMo.

For the first time.

Ever.

And I'm terrified.

Not terrified like BOO a monster just jumped out of my closet to eat my eyeballs or anything, but terrified because I'm doing this to help myself and to prove to myself that I can accomplish something I've been wanting to do for years.

So I joined today and I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT I'M GOING TO WRITE ABOUT.
Is anyone else in my boat?
If you want to friend me(PLEASE), my username is Jules11.
I'd love to know who all has joined this craziness with me!

I'm looking forward to it even though I usually don't even get home until around 8 every night of the week which means some long nights for me.

So wish me luck and any advice you NaNo experts can give would be much appreciated!

To anyone who has joined or has done it in the past: How did you come up with an idea?
Have any of you ever just jumped into your writing on November 1st with no idea where you would go from there?

Happy Almost November!!!

Today: Begin

2010-06-25T08:47:00.000-05:00

Soon, very very soon, this blog will be about my writing again.

But first, I must welcome a new beginning into my life. While things have been almost unbearable for months now, this beginning has me feeling refreshed, relieved, and excited for all of the future's possibilities.
I am going to enter the world alone, a single woman with big dreams and a fresh canvas that I can't wait to decorate in every color of the rainbow.

I'm in the process of looking for an apartment that is near to my work, family, and friends, a place that I can call mine, a place of comfort and familiarity without the confusion and questions I am confidently walking away from.

And the first item I'm purchasing? A new computer. Any advice in the computer department would be helpful...I'm really only looking to use the internet, write, and store some pics and music. And on the cheap side....I am single, after all, and it's an expensive world!

I'm a little nervous about living on my own, but I have visions of endless writing and reading time dancing in my head, especially since I won't have enough money to go out and spend! Which is fine with me....it's something I need to do anyway. For too long now I've been neglecting my writing.
I've kept up with journaling and some things that have really helped me get through this whole ordeal, but if I want to make it out there in the publishing world, I have to work hard. I can't wait!

I've been around, catching up on everyone else's journies, but I've been absent socially. Working on that too!
I hope everyone else has been doing well and hopefully very soon I'll be posting pictures of my new place!
Love to all.

For the Love of....!!!!

2010-05-12T06:53:00.000-05:00

Everyone has heard that love conquers all.

And for a while now, I've strongly doubted that. In fact, I've scoffed at the very thought.
But very recently, I made a discovery: Love truly does conquer all. All doubt, all pain, all anger....it will all vanish if true love is there.

When I say this, however, I do not mean that love for someone else will conquer all of the darkness that hurt and betrayal leave behind. Because how can you love someone else before you learn to truly love yourself?

You can't.

I've been going through such a dark period of my life lately...darker than any other I've faced before.
I've given up the two things I love the most in my life: writing and reading. Because taking part in either activity left my brain boggled and my heart aching. I stopped feeling for these things and I knew it wasn't right.
How can the things I love the most leave me so stressed out?

I couldn't concentrate on fiction because I couldn't relate to it anymore. I had so much going on, so much tension in this very real world, the land of make believe no longer held the magic it once had.

The last time I posted here, one person said something that really made me think.

Candace at Candyland left a comment that stated, 'Sometimes the best stories are our own'.

It's not like I haven't heard that before. But when I saw it written before me, in response to everything I had poured into that one post, something clicked.

I was going about my healing process the wrong way. I couldn't use my current WIPs to get me through this. I couldn't escape into a book the way I used to because I couldn't relate.
You must write the story you wish to read.

And what more could I want to read than the outcome of my current situation? What would help me more than writing through my troubles?

Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
Because writing is what I am. It's not just a hobby. It's a way of life. A lifeline.
And I finally grabbed hold of that rope. And I'm pulling myself out of the ravine, one word at a time.

Things won't get better as quickly as I'd like. But they will get better. And thanks to one person who helped me open my eyes, I'm going to get there the only way I know how.

I'm sure you're wondering how this ties into love conquering all. Writing is my one true love. It will always be there, will always be a part of me. Writing is a way of loving myself.
It's not selfish. It's self love. And you must must must have self love in order to make it through life happily.

I still doubt the notion that love will conquer all when used in reference to a romantic relationship or an outside relationship at all. There's always going to be dealbreakers.
But love for yourself absolutely will conquer all. Because I love myself, because I am taking the time to do what is right for me, I know that I will come out of this mess a much better person.

I don't plan on trying to publish what I'm working on right now because it's for me, but at least it will give me practice!

I'm slowly but surely making my way back into the blogging world. I don't feel overwhelmed anymore. Thank you to everyone who left a kind comment, to everyone who paused to think of me,even for a second. Your support means the world!

Until next time...

Yeesh!

2010-04-07T06:18:00.000-05:00

It has been SO long, I'm not even sure where to start!

So I'll just dive in. I won't bother apologizing for my absence-I feel like that's all I do anymore and you can only say sorry so many times before people start giving up on you.

This post isn't about my writing. It isn't about anything that is inspiring me right now.
It's about loss and acceptance and moving on.
No one has died. But someone is missing. That someone is me.
A lot has happened in a very short time in my life, a lot of little things that are leading up to one huge thing and I'm finding that I have to take a step back and really put things in perspective.

I'm trying to prioritize, to figure out where "I" fit into my own life.

For months, I've been agonizing over telling the right story, over scenes in someone else's life, wondering why nothing was falling into place.
Writing used to be my escape from the real world...but when the real world became overwhelming and built a wall directly in front of my face, I realized that the reason my stories weren't working for me was because I wasn't working for me.

Somewhere along the way, I lost myself in a tangle of confusion, hurt, and betrayal. My eyes have been opened and the scene before me is a heaping pile of rubble that I have to somehow sort through and nothing right now makes sense.

Writing someone else's story has become a burden, a chore. So I'm focusing on myself, writing my own story, to figure out where I went wrong and to find the ladder that will pull me from this awful abyss.
Even reading provides little relief as I work to sort through the mess in my mind.

I don't plan on posting regularly, but I'm going to try to be around more often. This blog has been an inspiration-proof that there are others out there just like me. Strangers that I consider friends.

To all of my followers: I do sincerely apologize for not being around, but I am so thankful that you are still here.

Any words of encouragement are appreciated, any advice welcomed. Maybe a funny story here and there?? :)

And I promise to check in, to show my face on your blogs as often as I can, and to post here, even if it's just to let you all know that I'm alive and well.

I'm confident that when things start to turn around, I will be back and better than ever. It is the light at the end of this very dark tunnel. The good news is that I can see it! I'm almost there.

Thank you again.

I hope everyone is doing well!

In Which Things Fall Into Place

2010-03-03T12:00:00.000-06:00

"The most improbable tales can be made believable, if your reader,through his sense, feels certain that he stands at the middle of events."

~Ray Bradbury~

Every once in a while, I have an 'aha!' moment. One of those moments happened the other day.

I've been working on my current WIP for a while now and while I really enjoy the story and the whole theme, I'm just not enjoying writing it. Right now. A post by Debra Schubert at Write On Target kind of made me stop and think. What if I like what I'm writing but I don't love it? Do I put it aside and start something fresh or do I push through this 'down' period?

And that's when I realized I feel trapped by my genre. I write contemporary YA which I love because it has such a real feel to it. But my head keeps wandering to the idea of writing something a little more exciting. A little more adventurous. A little less real.

I've always wanted to try writing fantasy of some sort. Paranormal, that kind of thing. It's what I read mostly, so it makes sense I'd want to try it. But I've always shied away based on the fact that I don't see myself as a true creator of worlds. Changing genres is intimidating and not a choice to be taken lightly, especially when I hope to make a career out of this.

But I'm going to try. I've had an idea rolling around in my head for a long time now, and I think I might have something good going on.
A lot of you have encouraged me to try this in the past, so I'm going to jump in feet first!
Wish me luck.

Have you ever changed genres? Have you ever felt trapped by something you're writing? What have you done to change this?

Sunshine and Happiness!

2010-03-03T06:00:00.001-06:00

I'll start off by saying hi! It's been a while. I try to get on everyday and read everyone's posts, and I try to comment as often as possible, but sometimes I suck at that.

But for some reason, people around here still like me and I love you for that! The other day, I received an award from the always amazing Jemi Fraser in spite of the fact that I feel I don't deserve it. So thank you so much, Jemi, for this spectacular and sunshiney award!

I'm going to award this to a few people whose blogs I stalk regularly. I don't care whether they already have it or not, these people inspire me and create the sunshine in my world.
Since I can't re-award it to Jemi, which I totally would if I could, I pass it on to the following:

1. Melissa at Chasing the Dream
2. Julie at Silver Lining
3. Sara at The Babbling Flow of a Fledgling Scribbler
4. Lisa at Confessions of a Writing Mama
5. Natalie at Natalie Bahm
6. Victoria
7. Tina at Sweet Niblets
These ladies always brighten my day, and I'm sure they'll do the same for you.

Stay tuned for my 'official' post!

A Deeper Look

2010-02-22T06:00:00.001-06:00

First things first: be sure to check out the Whoops! Blogfest today! Click the link to see everyone who has entered. I, unfortunately, missed another one! So I won't be participating unless I can come up with something at the drop of a hat...and I doubt it right now.

Also be sure to sign up for Simon's first hosted blogfest: The PG Love Scene Blogfest!! This is going to be a challenge, but one that I will gladly take on. I can't wait to read everyone's entries!

One thing I think we, as writers, always strive to do is learn as much about our characters as possible before writing their stories.
But once you get past the basics(name, hair color, eye color, etc.), how do you know what you need to know?

We all know the rule: know as much as you can, even the information you won't necessarily include in the story itself. Because the more you know, the more your character will come alive. When you know that your character hates to read, you probably won't find him or her meeting friends at the local bookstore, or studying in the library. You probably wouldn't find him or her studying much at all.

Knowing as much background as you can will help you decide how your character will react to every situation that arises in the story. This is so important, and can make or break your story.

While I was struggling to come up with something, anything! to write this weekend, I realized that I was stuck because I had no idea who my characters were and where they came from. I have their quirks, their basic characteristics, but I never got down to the nitty gritty details.

So I decided I needed to find a way to dig into their pasts. But which questions do I ask? Then I remembered something a friend of mine gave me several years ago: she had received a book from her mom called All About Me by Philip Keel. Inspired by the insight it provided about herself, she made a rough copy of the book for me.
I pulled the copy off my bookshelf and immediately set to work. It asks all the basic questions, but then enters a whole new level of thought provoking questions. Do you believe in God? Do you believe in reincarnation? What kind of secrets do you have that your closest friends would be shocked to discover?
And suddenly, I began to know more about my main characters than I ever thought possible.
There are so many questions in this book! And while I think it's a little much to answer the entire thing for every character you create, it's such a good tool. So check it out! I really think it would be worth your while.
I'm so happy I remembered it. No longer is that book collecting dust on the shelf.

And as a fun side note, here's two things about my main characters that I feel help describe them(and they'd never be caught without these things):

This is Brian's newsboy cap. He wears it everywhere, partly to cover his mass of curls, and partly because he thinks it looks cool. I think that it shows his old fashioned side which pretty much wraps up his personality.

This is Paige's necklace(but the diamond in hers is pink!). She received it from her mother for her eighteenth birthday and it is her most prized possession. It's perfect for her because she is such a girly girl and the horseshoe signifies the luck she's going to need to get through everything I'm going to put her through.

I'm thinking next time, I'll post the actors I have picked to play their parts!(Because this is so getting made into a movie, dontcha know.)

How about you? How do you get to know your characters? Is there any one object that can perfectly describe them?

My Life Outside of Writing

2010-02-15T15:10:00.006-06:00

I'd like to start off by saying that I am SO disappointed that I missed Courtney Reese's Love At First Sight Blogfest. Seriously, I look forward to those things so much, and this just broke my heart! :(

But as I was blog surfing last night, I came across a post by Lisa Marie Miles where she posted her Top Ten Non-Writing Activities.

And I thought to myself, 'Self, this is a great way to get to know your writer friends and see what else you have in common with them besides writing'.
So I decided I wanted to post my top ten non-writing activities and hopefully find some more soul sisters/brothers out there!

You don't have to dedicate a whole post to this unless you really want to...I just wanted to because I'm in need of things to talk about and what better to talk about than myself? Well, I'm sure there's a million and seven things I could find to talk about besides myself, but whatever.
I am my own biggest fan.

So here's my top ten non-writing activities list for you to enjoy(or not, but please don't tell me if you don't, kay, thanks!)in no particular order:

1. Photography. I'm not a professional by any means, but my camera does not leave my side for any length of time. It is my world outside of my writing.

2. Reading YA books. It took me a while to really discover the world of YA and now that I have, I can't get enough! I love teen angst, I love the innocence of first love and all that jazz. I don't know what I did without it all this time!

3. Music. What a craptastic world this would be for me if I didn't have music to listen to. I love all kinds(except the serious rap stuff and heavy metal), but I have my special loves like Josh Groban, TobyMac, Britney Spears, etc, etc. And yes, I love across the board. :)

(TobyMac??? Soooo sexy.)

(Josh Groban??? Soooo sexy.)

4. Bubble baths. Give me a tub and a bottle of bubble, and I am one happy girl. They are especially lovely after a grueling treadmill workout. Which lead me to...

5. Exercise! I love to exercise. I feel wonderful during my workouts and even better once they're done and I feel accomplished.

(I totally look like this in real life, all skinny and stuff.)

6. Social Networking. Seriously? I think I check my Facebook like twenty times a night most nights. I love to see what my friends and family are up to, and I love blogging and reading blogs! (And if you want to be my Facebook friend, just click that little linky on the side!! I will say yes because I love you all!!)

7. Taking naps with my dogs. I am not really a nap person because I always feel sluggish when I get up, but when I'm watching a movie in the bedroom and my dogs curl up on either side of me on the bed, I'm in comfy heaven. They are the best cuddlers in the whole wide world.

8. Driving by myself. There is no greater time for my thoughts to roll around in my head than when I'm driving down the highway with my music blaring. I can sing and daydream, and no one can bother me. It's the greatest downtime for me.

9. Cleaning my house. Er...yes, this is very true. It goes along with the whole exercise/feeling accomplished thing I brought up earlier. I listen to my music and dance through the chores. It's also another great time for me to daydream and work through problems I'm having with my WIP.

10. Surfing the internet. Although I never feel accomplished after a two hour surfing session, I love traveling around online, discovering new things and catching up on my favorites. Some of my fave online activities? Watching music videos on youtube, reading the secrets on postsecret every Sunday, cracking up at the new Cakewrecks, peopleofwalmart.com(this name speaks for itself, seriously), and weaving my way through the blogosphere. And Facebook, of course.

So when I'm not hunkered down in front of the computer at night furiously typing away a fabulous fiction novel that is sure to be a bestseller and promote world peace, these things are what I do.
The crazy part is that I try to do almost all of these things on a daily basis. After working nine hours, driving for two(but that still covers one of those activities!), and making dinner at six o'clock. I might be crazy. Or just a ninja. Or Chuck Norris. Because Chuck Norris doesn't make time for activities, they make time for him!! Got that, activities???

So, how about you? What do you do that has nothing to do with your life as a writer?

On Being Uplifted...and Over the Top!

2010-02-08T18:51:00.004-06:00

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters, compared to what lies within us."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

I went looking for inspiration today and I came across this quote. It might not scream inspiration for writing, but it made me think of it in terms of writing. See, I'm going through a lot right now, and the situation I am facing in the near future has a lot to do with what has happened in the past.
But no matter how bad this situation is for me, I know that what I hold inside of me is much, much stronger.
I've been having trouble focusing on my writing during this time, just difficulty focusing on almost everything. But I need to keep this quote in my head because no matter what, my writing is my voice. I use it to express myself, to let out everything I hold inside. Above all, I need to remember that no matter what I am going through, I still have power over all. It's in me. I just need to open that door.

I'm trying to find something each day that inspires me, to remind myself of the good out there. So that the bad doesn't seem as bad anymore.

Your comments, blogger friends, are another inspiration to me. After my Day of Grrr, I realized that I'm not the only one who gets down. And I have all of you to remind me of that. So thank you!
I'll keep all of you in mind during my search for inner peace.

But for right now, I have something else to post and also to pass on!
From Melissa at Chasing the Dream, I have received the Over the Top award for my blog!

Thanks, Melissa! :)

The rules of this award are as follows:
Complete the following survey using only one word per question, then pass the award on to five other bloggers.

So here we go!

Your cell phone: Vibrate
Your hair: Blonde
Your mother: Amazing
Your father: RIP :(
Your favorite food: Italian
Your dream last night: Unknown!
Your favorite drink: Iced Tea
Your dream goal: Published
What room are you in: Office
Your hobby: Reading
Your fear: Unhappiness
Where do you see yourself in 6 years: Famous! (He he!)
Where were you last night: Grandma's
Something you aren't: Mean
Muffins: Chocolate
Wish list item: books!
Where did you grow up: Illinois
Last thing you did: dinner
What are you wearing: tank
Your TV: ginormous
Your pets: loving
Friends: wonderful
Your life: stressful! :(
Your mood: Blah
Missing someone: Always
Vehicle: Mitsubishi
Something you aren't wearing: Heels
Your favorite store: Barnes and Noble
Your favorite color: Purple
When was the last time you laughed: Today
Last time you cried: Saturday
Your best friend: Sister
One place you go over and over: Wal-mart
Facebooking: Addiction!!!
Favorite place to eat: Italian...

And that's that! It's very hard to use one word answers when I'm very very wordy. Oh well.

To pass this one, I am choosing my five newest followers:

1. Roxy Haynie
2. Jon Paul
3. Lesley Vance
4. Amy Holder
5. Jen Daiker

It's so great to meet you all! Thanks for stopping by, and everyone be sure to check these bloggers out!

Until next time...

Have an inspired day!

Day of Grrr...

2010-01-31T18:43:00.003-06:00

Today is not a good day. Today, I am crabby.

Today, I am going to tell you why it is that today I am crabby.

1. I have no focus. I've been sitting at this computer for two hours and have facebooked(btw, have you ever been instant-messaged by four people all at the same time and tried to keep up a flowing conversation with all of them??? Not an easy feat, but I mastered it, although I had to keep double checking to make sure I wasn't sending someone a message meant for someone else.), tweeted, emailed, and blog-read. I want to start writing a thousand words a day on my novel and here I am. Complaining about wanting to do it but not actually doing it.

2. People who say one thing and then do another while in the presence of others with the sole purpose of trying to make the original someone they said the first thing to look stupid drive me crazy. Less clustered? I hate hypocrites.

3. People who stand in line too closely to the person in front of them...ugh!
I took my sister to Dave and Buster's for her birthday last night and it was so packed, we had to wait in line to play every single game! And people jam up on each other like sardines, all pushy pushy and 'hurry up, we're waiting in line' and I'm all 'stop sucking my new body spray scent off of me because it's not cheap!'
Seriously, people? BACK OFF.

4. Because of my crabby mood, I decided that a grande mocha Frapuccino would be just the thing to lift my spirits. Buuuuuuttttt...I didn't get it. And I'm still crabby.

5. People keep telling me that 'things will be fine, just do this' rather than actually taking the time to have a meaningful conversation with me and that really just.....OOOOH!!!

I need to be reminded of the things that make me happy and hope that they work their usual magic.
Is it weird that I'm looking forward to work's distractions tomorrow???
I think yes.

On Inspiration

2010-01-26T10:58:00.005-06:00

Whoa. I'm dangerously close to taking an unwarranted coffee break again! People need to call me out, I swear it!

Anyway, I know I'm totally the last one on this bandwagon:

But I don't care. It's my turn to rave.

I talk about the things that inspire me all the time. I find it in the smallest things, and without it, I'm sure I'd be a lot less happy.
I know that it's easier for me to be inspired by music or movies, someone else's vision of something everyday, things we overlook for whatever reason.

I also knew I wanted to see Avatar, but I wasn't sure I wanted to take three hours out of my life to sit down for a movie in the middle of a packed theater, listening to people talk and chomp on smelly popcorn(yes, I'm a popcorn hater, yes, I know it's un-American, no, I don't care).
But I went anyway.
And I'm so glad I did.
Have you ever watched a movie where you literally sat with your mouth hanging open and your heart thudding in your chest throughout the entire thing, and when it finally ended, you were disappointed??
That is what this movie did for me.

I wanted to stay in their beautiful, magical, amazing world forever. The whole storyline, the themes, the location...I've never witnessed something so perfect.
After it ended, I cleared my mind of all of my other 'favorite' movies...this one takes the cake.
I am so envious of the people with imaginations that are able to create these whole other worlds...and then to relate them to the problems of our own real world! To send a message without being preachy.
To open the eyes of non-believers, of all the pessimists. To teach people something worthwhile.

This is what I want to accomplish as a writer. To be able to inspire someone to take a second look, to put yourself in someone else's shoes, to just open your mind to something, anything new.
It prompted me to take a deeper look at my own writing. At the messages I try to convey. Am I doing it correctly? Am I forcing my beliefs on someone? Am I going to succeed at instilling the passion I feel into my readers?

I can only hope to do so, and I'm going to try my hardest to create something worthwhile.

On a lighter note, is it strange that I found myself attracted to Jake as a big blue Avatar?? Because he was supercute and I love how his character changed.
And this?:

Was the greatest 'no kiss' scene I have seen in, like, forever. I almost squeed out loud in the theater.

Also, I sobbed so hard at one point during the movie that when I finally sucked in my breath, the entire room could hear me...and that was embarrassing.

I will be seeing this movie again. I'm totally pimping it as well. Go see Avatar!!! You won't be disappointed.

How about you? Is there a movie or a song that has inspired you more than anything else? Which one? Did anyone else feel the same way about this movie, or am I just overly-emotional??

And now...back to the show!

2010-01-17T19:31:00.006-06:00

My coffee break is over.
I swear it!

It's been so long since I've been here, I barely know what to do with myself! For a quick explanation: it's 'end-of-year' at my work which means the entire place is running amok, flailing their arms around, and yelling at the tops of their voices. This also means I'm exhausted before, during, and after work and cannot function as a normal person.
Also, our internet activity is being closely monitored at work because SOME PEOPLE don't know when to quit.
So I'm kinda nervous about posting while on the clock.

Anyway...a million and five apologies for my absence. I'll try to post more regularly from now on!

So. How is everyone?

Today is going to be a lazy blog day. Over the past month, I've received four FOUR! awards which is the coolest thing ever.
And today I will list them all and pass them on! One variation from the rules: I'm only going to pick two blogs per award, and I don't care if they already have them. It's my blog and I'll award who I want.
Ahem.

First up, I received the Kreative Blogger award from the extremely talented Victoria.

Thank you, Victoria! If you've never come across her blog before, now is the time to do it! She has such vision, and an inspiring voice! I'm so happy to have her as a blogging friend.

And the two recipients of the Kreativ Blogger award are:

Susan Mills at A Walk In My Shoes because she can relate all of her posts to shoes! Come on, people, how creative is that??

Natalie Whipple at Between Fact and Fiction because not only is she a writer whose blog I adore, but she graces us all with her artistic talents once a week as well!

Moving on...

From the always entertaining Carol Valdez Miller and the sincere Jemi Fraser, the One Lovely Blog award.

The two winners are:

Sherrinda at A Writer Wannabe because her blog is, well, lovely.

And Jody Hedlund because, well. Do I really need to repeat it? Lovely. Check her out for excellent advice and insight.

The final award I received from Tiana Lei at Spilled Ink. I just started following her tonight and I have no idea how it's taken me this long to discover her awesome blog! So, thanks for the award, Tiana! This one is a new one for me, and while I'm breaking the 'pass it on' rules, I will follow the 'ten things that make me happy' rule.

Here we go!

1.

2. My dogs. Who better to turn to when you're in need of a pick-me-up than your faithful pooches?

3. Books. Seriously? If someone told me I had to choose between my husband and my books, I might just pick the books. Because without them I would cease to exist. Sorry, honey.

4. Fridays! Jeans day at work, drinks with the coworkers at the end of the day, and the beginning of the weekend!

5. Tea. It fixes everything.

6. Taking pictures. I am such a nuisance with my camera...people should just know to look picture ready when I'm going to be around. It's just the way it is.

7. My clean house. I love sitting on the couch and just breathing in the cleanliness after a sweaty few hours of scrubbing.

8. Music. I love music, and all sorts of it! Lately, I've discovered how inspiring Christian music is and it's literally propelled my creative juices forward. I think opening my mind to something new kind of helped that...

9. My blog. It is proof to me that I'm not wandering alone in the world. And it's also a huge motivation to keep writing.

10. Shoes. Because they're pretty. :)

Now, I pass the Happy 101 blog on to:

Sara McClung at The Babbling Flow of a Fledgling Scribbler because I find a lot of similarities between the two of us and that makes me happy! (Yes, that was cheesy, and no, I don't care)

And Mary Campbell at Writer's Butt Does Not Apply To Me because she is very inspiring and that also makes me happy!

Thank you again to everyone who's passed awards on to me. I'm very touched and very excited!
And congrats to the recipients of those awards!
Check them out, people!! You won't be sorry.

And I promise to be back very very soon.

Official No-Kiss Blogfest!!! Woo hoo!!!

2010-01-02T15:17:00.004-06:00

It's here, it's here! Glad you could stop by to read what I have for you today. Frankie over at Frankie Writes came up with the idea to post a scene that has an 'almost kiss'.
They're always terrible in that amazingly good way. When you just know that it's the perfect moment for one, but maybe the events surrounding aren't quite so ideal, so it doesn't happen. When it's just interrupted, or reality hits...any way it goes, the almost-kiss is always a great guilty pleasure of mine!

I didn't have a decent almost kiss to give you guys, so I had to come up with this at the last second. Like, an hour ago. So forgive the rough draft form and it's wordiness.
This scene comes from one of my WIPs, a story about a girl whose parents die and then she finds out she was adopted. So she goes on a cross country trip with her best friend to find her biological parents and where she actually came from. When we meet Paige and Brian right now, Paige has just discovered that they came all this way only to find out that her real parents are also dead.

***********************

Paige didn’t bother with her jacket. The heat of the cramped diner was suddenly too much to bear, the weight of those words pressing on her chest like lead.

The icy winter air provided instant relief, filling her lungs with sharp pricks of oxygen. She breathed deeply, forced herself to close her eyes and count to ten.

All those people must have thought she was nuts, driving across the country on a whim only to find out that the one thing she had been searching for no longer even existed. Then to race outside in the middle of the revelation…

She shuffled to the side of the building where she wouldn’t have to feel the eyes of the entire town on her as she broke down alone. The dirty snow crunched under her feet, throwing her off-balance as she struggled to find a hiding spot in a place where your every secret seemed to be stamped on your forehead.

Footsteps came from around the corner, pausing as the pursuer tried to locate her. Paige pressed her cheek against the cold red brick of the diner and faced away from whoever it was.

“Paige…” Brian. Of course. Always the rock.

Brian came up behind her and slid her coat over her shoulders. “Look at me?” He stamped his feet and wondered why he always ended up out in the cold when it came to her. His breath came in white puffs and already, his nose was running.

Paige pressed her lips together and closed her eyes as she slowly turned to face him. She was embarrassed. He didn’t need to be here, and yet here he stood, freezing, in a town thousands of miles away from his home on Christmas Eve.

Brian tried to read her face, but it was dark and her eyes were squeezed shut. He reached out and brushed his fingers over her cheek. They were wet with cold tears, her bottom lip trembling. Without a word, he pulled her against his body.

Paige fought to keep herself from sobbing. She buried her face in his soft blue sweater, breathed in the scent of coffee and maple syrup from the diner. She wrapped her arms around his waist and felt him grip her tighter. He slid his arms inside her jacket and rubbed his hands up and down her arms.

She wondered if the goosebumps that appeared were from the cold or from his touch, and her cheeks flushed from the idea. Brian had been her best friend for longer than she could remember and there had never been feelings beyond that between them. But he’d been there for her from the word ‘go’, driving when she was too tired, running into the convenience stores for coffee when the ice storms hit and she didn’t want to move from the warmth of the car, footing the bill for the dingy motel rooms, tracking down this small town that didn’t even exist on the maps.

He never complained, never argued. And here he was again, her shoulder when her world was crashing down around her. She felt his heartbeat quicken against her cheek and she raised her head to look into concerned blue pools.

Brian shivered, the weight of her hands on his back the only thing he
felt. They gripped him in need, ten fingertips desperately clinging to something real. Her eyes, like melted chocolate, were intense and full of sorrow and confusion.

He hated to see her this way, hated that she had to go through this. He’d give his life to be able to reverse time, go back to the way things were when she was happy. Before he’d fallen in love with her.

He lowered his head and pressed his forehead against hers.

Paige’s breath caught, her fingers dug. She molded against him, their hearts banging together.

Brian shifted his weight, felt his nose brush against hers. So close. He felt her breath mix with his, hers thick with the scent of hot chocolate, a bit of peppermint, his syrupy sweet.

A little closer…

He’d been waiting forever to feel her lips on his, to know what it would be like to taste her, to nestle in lips like soft pillows. A kiss would fix everything right now. Escape the world and all the bad news that came along with it.

Or it could yank them apart, create a catastrophic disaster in her already broken world. A moment of desperate emotion leading to a lifetime of regret.

Brian pulled his arms out from under her coat and wrapped them around her shivering body. A bear hug was something he could do, as her friend. And right now, nothing more.

Against him, Paige sighed, her tears dampening his skin.

*****************************

::Sigh::

I hope you enjoyed! Check out Frankie's blog to read all of the other entries! They are all swoon-worthy. :)

Lata, 2009! Bring on the new year!

2009-12-31T15:04:00.005-06:00

(Oooh, pretty!)

I just have to say: Thank. Goodness. This. Year. Ends. Today.

Next year's got to be better, right? Right!?

Okay, so the year wasn't terrible. I made a firm decision to get my ass in gear regarding my writing, I got married, and I'm ending the year with a plethera of Barnes and Noble gift cards.

Not so bad.

But the year also held a lot of bad news, frustrations, and disappointments. More than any other year in my memory.

So 2010 is a chance for a fresh start. I'm working steadily on my WIP, I've made a ton of friends through blogging, I discovered that people actually like to read what I've written, and I've gained confidence.
All of these awesome things will be carried over into the new year along with my newest resolutions:

1. Finish current WIP.
2. Find a critique group and really get down to the nitty gritty of my work!
3. Query and score myself an awesome agent.
4. Dance on the desks of the people who told me I'd never make it.(Wait, what?? I didn't just say that!)
5. Continue with last year's resolutions(No soda unless there is absolutely nothing else to drink and no french fries! One year tomorrow since I've had a SINGLE fry! Which is huge if you were to look back at my awful diet consisting of, well, fries.)

I guess what I'm striving for most is more dedication to my writing. Having all you blogger friends to answer to makes this a lot easier to do, so thank you for all of your support!
Also, hi to all of my new followers! ::Waves hi:: Thanks for stopping by. :)

I've loved reading everyone's year end recaps and resolutions. I'm inspired by every one of you.

Here's to 2010 and all of our dreams coming true!

By the way...don't forget about this Saturday, which is No Kiss Blogfest Day. Sign up on Frankie's blog to join in, or just to check out all the amazing entries we're sure to have!
I still have to come up with a scene, so I'll be hard at work until then.

Happy Writing!

The Twelve Days of...Me! Day Twelve!!!!

2009-12-26T10:31:00.005-06:00

On the Twelfth Day of Me, I give to you...final thoughts.

Posting(almost)everyday for two weeks has been so much fun, I'm sad to let it go! I guess I don't have to...it's been good discipline for me which is something I have little of when it comes to my writing schedule. So if I keep this up, maybe it'll flow over into my WIP.

Not to mention how much it helps when we have things going on like the Official Kissing Day Blogfest or the No Kiss Blogfest which help keep me focused. And they're so much fun! If you haven't already, head on over to Frankie's blog(linked above)and sign yourself up! Hmmm...I suppose I need to do that myself.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! I was extremely blessed this year and in front of the difficulties my family and friends are facing were happy tears shared by all.
Happy tears are the greatest kind.

PLUS! I got sooo many B&N gift cards and I can't WAIT to start shopping! :) I think I'll have to pace myself so I can afford to buy all the exciting new books by new authors coming out in 2010.

Something else that I feel blessed with this Christmas: ideas! For some reason over the past couple of days, ideas for new stories have been leaking out my ears for lack of space in my brain. There's just that many. And I'm very excited about them, even though I really can't do much with them besides jot them down and keep them very, very close to me.
Maybe it's all the action of the holidays, maybe it's coming together with friends and family...who knows? I'm just thankful that they're there.

For now, I'm going to go relax with a cup of tea and perhaps some french toast and mull over these new ideas(and then maybe get to work on the current WIP)for the rest of the weekend.

How was everyone else's Christmas? Any exciting stories to share, moments of laughter or tears?

Happy Day After Christmas, everyone!

The Twelve Days of...Me! Day Eleven

2009-12-24T15:20:00.002-06:00

On the Eleventh Day of Me, I give to you...a holiday greeting.

I'm off for the start of the Christmas celebration and probably won't be around until Saturday.
I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas!

The Twelve Days of....Me! Day Ten

2009-12-23T15:50:00.003-06:00

On the Tenth Day of Me, I give to you....my dumbass.

Seriously.

It is two days before Christmas. An ice storm is coming TONIGHT. Like, right after I get out of work.
And I? Am headed to the mall. Yes, that insufferable place full of pushy, whiny, greedy, rude, smelly things that resemble humans but I'm pretty sure are actually baboons let loose.

Why, you ask, am I going to venture into the mall on such a day? Because, I answer, I am a dumbass who decided not to go Christmas gift shopping until rightthisverysecond.
To be perfectly honest, I tried boycotting the whole gift giving aspect of Christmas for various reasons, and I suppose I've just been in angry denial over the whole thing.

This denial also appeared in my lack of baked goods which I'm usually drowning in at this time of year. And lack of decorations, considering I gave up after being attacked by my tree while stringing the lights.(I have the scars to prove it!)

Perhaps this trip to the mall wouldn't be so bad if I had a list and a plan. I have neither.
So I'll be wandering aimlessly, dodging the baboons while they run to pick the fleas off the other baboons...I know, I know. I'm a total Scrooge.

But the good news of the day is that one of my managers gave me a hundred bucks as a gift and my husband told me I should use the money to buy BOOKS!!!! I knew I loved him for a reason! :)

I have two days left in my twelve days of me, and even though people have much better things to do besides read about, well, me, I'm going to try to post anyway.
So I'll be around if you want to stop by!

For those of you who won't be back until after the holiday, Merry Christmas!
I'll see you soon.

Anyone else out there a slacker like me?? ::Sigh::

The Twelve Days of...Me! Day Nine

2009-12-22T18:55:00.006-06:00

Since yesterday was the awesomest day in the history of the world and completely devoted to all things kissing, I missed my day eight of my twelve day blogging promise.
But since my kissing scene is the very first piece of writing ever to leave the comfort of my own hands, I'd say that's a pretty big day of "me" and worthy of holding the eighth day spot.
So yesterday was the implied day eight.
Moving on.

On the Ninth Day of Me, I give to you...2 awards!

Recently, I have been given two awards from two very talented writers.

The Honest Scrap Award came from Julie Dao(thank you, Julie!)at Silver Lining and now I must reveal ten honest things about myself. This could take awhile...

1. I absolutely refuse to eat food/drink milk that is one day past the 'sell by' date. Not the expiration, the SELL BY. Because it still grosses me out. Too bad.

2. I hate stuffed animals. Not because they're not cute, but because when it's time to give them away because I have too many, I cry. And not just cry. Sob. Because I'm afraid I'm hurting their feelings.

3. It is three days before Christmas and I have barely begun shopping. Or baking.

4. I can't clean my house unless I'm singing and dancing to my favorite songs. This is also why I can only clean when my husband isn't home because he'll make fun of me.

5. Which brings me to...when I was in fifth grade, I was picked by my music teacher to record a Christmas album with some of my classmates. I got to go to a real recording studio in Chicago and I still have the album.

6. If I fail as a writer, I would like to be a Life-Planner. I'm excellent at making decisions for people and there's millions of times when I have to bite my tongue to keep from saying 'I told you so'. People should always just listen to me!(This is just a joke. I don't actually want to plan someone's life...I'd just be good at it.)

7. My favorite color is purple and I wish I could paint every room in my house a different shade of it.

8. Sometimes the things in life that inspire me the most are the people who have let me down.

9. I hate magazines because there's never enough to read.

10. I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL CHRISTMAS IS OVER!

Whew! It's hard to come up with this stuff at the drop of a hat!

So, I know I'm supposed to pass this on to a bunch of people, but I decided to pick just one person to receive each award. I always try to pick someone who doesn't already have the award, and this person does not as of yet:

Melissa at Chasing the Dream. I love her blog because I feel like I can relate to her a lot. She always has something interesting to say and I look forward to new posts from her!

If you're not following her already, click away!

The Lovely Blog Award was given to me by Natalie Bahm. Thank you, Natalie!

The person I want to pass this on to never ceases to inspire me. Her posts are always beautifully written and I've been known to shed a few tears when I read them. Check out Victoria's blog and be amazed and astounded by her insight on everything from writing to the simple things that are guaranteed to make you think.

Thanks again for the awards, ladies!

Official Kissing Day Blogfest!!

2009-12-21T12:53:00.003-06:00

This is a blissful day, I've gotta say. Thank goodness Sherrinda did this! Check out her blog to find the links to everyone participating!

I wasn't up to the kissing scene in my WIP yet, so I had to jump ahead. I guarantee it won't stay the same and it's REALLY rough right now since I wrote it last night, but I couldn't resist!

Quick background: Josh has just shown up at Evie's house after the Homecoming Dance. He has come over to tell her that he has feelings for her, even though he's been dating her best friend.

*************************************************************************************

There he stood, the streetlight illuminating him from behind, giving him a very godlike effect. His smile was gone, replaced by a serious expression.

“Come for a ride?” he said in greeting.

Evie nodded, not knowing how else to respond.

Josh waited while she locked the door and then walked beside her down the front walk to his truck. He opened the passenger door, waited while she climbed in, then shut the door gently behind her.

As he made his way around the truck, Evie breathed in the scent of him: musky cologne she’d noticed on him before, sweat and dirt from football practice, the cranberry air freshener hanging from the rearview mirror. She’d been in the truck before, but tonight she felt much more aware of him.

A mixed CD sat half inside the CD player, and she wondered if he’d been listening to it with Maddie. Specks of glitter sparkled on the dashboard, an obvious sign her friend had been here. Without thinking, Evie brushed the tiny pieces to the floor, not wanting it to intrude on her moment.

Not that she knew what her moment would entail.

Josh slid in beside her, his jaw set. Was he angry? He hadn’t seemed upset when she saw him from her window. Nervous, maybe.

She didn’t say anything as he turned the engine over and buckled his seatbelt.

“Ready?” he asked in a low voice, glancing at her. His brow furrowed for a quick second, then softened as he flashed her his familiar smile.

Evie nodded, fastening her own seatbelt.

Josh put the truck into gear and sped off down the darkened street. Evie watched the houses flash by, a blur of dull color in the night.

“Are you okay?” Evie finally asked, breaking the silence.

Josh didn’t respond right away, his hands gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles were white.

He couldn’t explain things to her just yet. He still had no idea how to tell her the crazy things that had been running through his mind since he pulled up in front of Maddie’s house at six that night. How could he tell Evie that he thought he was falling in love with her?

They were only seventeen, and as much as he hated to admit it, he hadn’t exactly been honest with her since they’d become friends.

Besides, what made him think she’d have any interest in him beyond friendship anyway? She’d never acted interested in him before. Except for that time at Last Dance when he’d caught her staring at him. And the ride on the ferris wheel. And during lunch a few times.

Okay. So maybe there was a chance she could be interested in him.

He realized he’d been quiet for a long time, so he said, “I’m fine,” before she thought he was mad at her.

Evie leaned back in her seat and sucked in her breath. She had no idea where they were going, but she was kind of nervous to ask. So she just watched the world go by.
A few minutes later, Josh pulled into a park on the opposite side of the river. He drove over to Lookout Point, an area tourists went to view the whole river and the lit up village.

Evie was confused. This part of the park was closed at this time of night. Why were they here?

Josh glanced at her as he cut the engine and got out of the truck.

Evie followed him, her nerves creating a tight ball in the middle of her stomach like she’d eaten too much greasy food. She met him at the tailgate and he lowered it.

“Beer?” he asked, jumping into the bed where a blue cooler sat half hidden under a dirty brown tarp. He pushed the tarp aside and opened the lid, pulling two cans of beer from the ice. “I have a couple fruity drinks in here, in case you wanted that.”

In case she wanted that? Evie wondered if he’d planned this.

“Beer is fine,” she said, even though the thought of beer instantly brought back horrible memories of her sister’s birthday party. She reached out to take the can he held out to her.

Josh sat down on the tailgate, letting his feet dangle.

Evie rested against the truck, popping the top on her beer and trying to find the best possible way to drink it without slurping like a guy. Should she sit next to him?

Josh took a gulp of his drink and set it down beside him. He watched Evie sip hers and worried he might be scaring her with all of this mystery.

“We’re friends, right?” he blurted.

Evie jumped in surprise, then felt her stomach drop. Friends? Great. Just what every girl wanted to hear from the guy they had a massive crush on.

“Yeah, of course,” she replied. She shuffled her feet in the dirt and crossed her arms, holding her beer at her side. Friends. So it wouldn’t seem obvious if she sat next to him. She jumped on the tailgate and turned to smile at him. She hoped it seemed genuine.

Josh nodded. He stretched his arms, then slid out of his jacket. He’d grown a little warmer after she joined him up here. He looked over at her as he set the jacket behind them. Her long blonde hair fell down her back in perfect ringlets, a small glittery barrette holding half of it up. He realized she’d had it done for the dance she’d never gone to. Her fingernails were painted a soft pink with white tips.

She smelled amazing, like a field of daisies or something. He breathed in deep, closing his eyes to her scent.

How could anyone stand her up? He recalled how angry he’d been when her date showed up at the dance with a different girl on his arm. His friends laughing about stupid little Evie sitting at home waiting for him to pick her up. He’d had to fight to keep himself from punching the stupid prick right in the mouth.

Speaking of mouths…

“You look really nice tonight,” Evie said, her face flushed. From the beer or the compliment, he couldn’t tell.

“Thanks.” Josh nudged her arm. “You probably looked pretty amazing yourself.”

Evie snorted. “Right.” She lowered her eyes, fiddled with the tab on her beer can. “I suppose I deserved what I got.”

“What? Why would you say that?”

She shrugged. “I only accepted his invitation because I wanted to go. And since no one else had asked me…”

She trailed off, leaving Josh feeling guilty about never asking her himself. What was he supposed to do? Maddie had already asked him, and he knew that it would have caused problems if he’d turned her down and asked Evie instead.

Evie slid off the tailgate and carried her beer over to the railing overlooking the river. She rested her arms against it, relishing the feel of the warm breeze across her heated skin. She had almost said, ‘since you never asked me’ but couldn’t bring herself to do it.

Josh came up beside her, his mouth set in a frown. He’d rolled up his sleeves, his black rubber bracelet in its usual place on his left wrist. “Something happened tonight,” he said, his eyes focused on a few ducks swimming past. One of them quacked and disappeared under the water.

Evie raised her eyebrows. “Something like what?”

He paused, not knowing where to start. He cleared his throat.

“Josh.”

He turned to face her but was unable to meet her eyes. Instead, he watched her mouth, that perfect pout begging to be kissed. She was wearing gloss, and he wanted to know what it tasted like. Would it be fruity? Or minty?

Okay. He had to stop staring there. He raised his eyes to meet hers, startled by how bright the blue of them appeared in the near total darkness.

“It happened while I was dancing with…well.” More throat clearing. “I never should have gone with Maddie,” he clarified, raking a hand through his hair.

“Why not? You make a good couple.”

Josh opened his mouth to say something, then closed it. She thought they made a good couple? Maybe this confession was a bad idea. Maybe he should have just gone to Hannah’s party with Maddie and forced himself to forget about Evie.

But then Evie sighed, such a small, defeated sound, and she averted her gaze. She didn’t mean that. He knew she didn’t mean that.

“The thing is,” Josh continued, “while I was dancing with Maddie, the only thing I could think about was how I should have been dancing with you.”

Evie’s eyes widened and she looked back up at him. He wanted to be dancing with her. Josh wanted her. He said it. It wasn’t just her imagination!

“I just-” Josh set his can on the railing and stepped up to her. He took her can and set it beside his. Another step closer and he could feel her breath warm against his face. Her pale blue eyes were hopeful, giving him the push he needed to do this. He lowered his head and cupped her face in his hands. “I just wanted to be with you.”

His lips met hers before he closed his eyes. She tasted like strawberries, her lips soft and warm. Suddenly, everything seemed clear. This was where he was supposed to be. Not with Maddie, not at some stupid school dance. Right here, with the most perfect girl in the world.

Evie placed her hands on Josh’s back, feeling his muscles through the soft material of his dress shirt. She spread her fingers out and pulled him closer, raising up on her tiptoes to kiss him deeper. This was even better than she’d imagined. She’d never been kissed so tenderly, so thorough. Like she was the only person who existed.

Who knew? Maybe they were the only people who existed right now.

Josh smiled as he kissed her, elated that this was happening. How had he gone for so long without this? He’d known her for years, had always had that secret crush on her, the one no one knew about. He’d been missing out on this. He ran his fingers through her soft hair, opened his eyes to see her, to see how lucky he was to be in this moment.

They didn’t notice the headlights. Didn’t hear the engine rumbling behind them.

It wasn’t until they heard, “Josh?” that they realized they weren’t alone anymore. Someone else did, in fact, exist right now.

*************************************************************************************

Dum, dum, dummmm....

Geez, sorry this was so long! I couldn't figure out where to start it. I hope you enjoy it!
I'm loving everyone's kissing scenes! We should do this more often. :)

The Twelve Days of...Me! Day Seven

2009-12-20T12:52:00.009-06:00

I skipped a day!!! I apologize. Yesterday was a very busy day and I only had about two minutes of computer time. So I'm a day behind. Eh. For anyone wondering(and I know it's been killing you to hear back from me), my work party Friday night was a huge success! The turnout was amazing and even surprising! Everyone thanked me for putting it together, including spouses whom I'd never met before. It made me very happy that I had done it. Our employees deserve some kind of recognition, even if it is just a get together at a bar, thrown by a fellow employee who can't afford to pay for it herself. And no one questioned who was paying. Relief! Also? I didn't have to pay for a single drink(or my dinner)myself. Score!

Quick reminder: Tomorrow is Official Kissing Day, where you post a kissing scene from your WIP, or just a fave from a book. I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet because I haven't made it to my kissing scene in my own WIP. Maybe I'll just skip ahead to that moment since it's already in my head anyway.

If you want to join in, head over to Sherrinda's blog to include a link to your blog and see everyone else who is joining in.

Now. I had my post idea in mind for yesterday, just didn't have the time to do it. So here goes.

On the Seventh Day of Me, I give to you...my support.

My best friend and I get our hair done together every six to eight weeks, religiously. It is our guaranteed 'us' time to talk, catch up, and make plans. I look forward to these hair appointments more than anything else now.
Yesterday as we ate lunch after our appointments, she told me that she'd been here, to my blog, to see what it was about.
At first I was just happy to hear it, since no one I 'know' has actually read it. I included a link to it in my email signature a while back but haven't had any feedback.
Later on, as I thought about it, I realized just how much it meant to me that she had clicked that little link to show some support.
Which had me thinking of the people who support me the most, who push me forward, who believe in me, probably more than I believe in myself sometimes.

And I'd like to introduce you to:

Mandy. She has been my best friend for about fourteen years and the one person I know I can count on for anything. She has been my rock, my sister, my shoulder, my ear. She encourages me when I doubt myself. Without her, this journey would be much more difficult.

My mom. (That's her, on the left. Er...in case you couldn't tell?) My mom has been pushing me to pursue my writing career since I was in junior high. If she believed in me when my writing sounded like a cat dying, I can only imagine how much she believes in me now when my writing is, well, not crap.

And also my sister Jacki(on the right)who has been my best friend for a long time. We've been through a lot together and I don't know what I would do without her. She's artistic like I am(but she sketches and can put together some killer flower arrangements)so it's something we share.

My husband, Will. He bought me my laptop a few Christmases ago with a card that encouraged me to follow my dreams. He's also my biggest cheerleader. All of his friends and family know about my writing(whether I like it or not!)and as humiliating as this is for me, I can't thank him enough for it.

And last but certainly not least, all of my followers and fellow bloggers! Without you, I would be wandering aimlessly, believing I was the only person out there struggling with this dream. Your encouragement and words of advice help me more than I can ever begin to describe. Thank you for being here, and for being you!

Having a support system is extremely important. We all need a little ego boost at times.
Have you thanked your supporters lately???

The Twelve Days of...Me! Day Six

2009-12-18T14:50:00.003-06:00

On the Fifth Day of Me, I give to you…Five Random Things!!! (Rhymes with Five Golden Rings…Gold Rings??)

Anyway.

To start, I’d like to thank Julie Dao at Silver Lining for my Honest Scrap award! Yay awards!! ::Blows celebratory horn:: I haven’t had a chance to post about this yet, so I’ll try to get that done by the end of this weekend. Picking blogs to award is such a difficult thing for me to do because I love each and every one for different reasons. Which is why it takes me forever and a day to do anything about it!

Second, I read on A Writer Wannabe's blog that Monday, December 21st is Official Kissing Day here in the blogging world. This is thrilling to me because I love kisses! I love reading about them, watching them, and, of course, giving and receiving them myself.

To participate, all you have to do is post a kissing scene or almost kissing scene from your WIP. If you are too shy(which might happen right here on this blog), you can post your favorite kissing scene from a book you’ve read.

This might be the most fantastical day in the history of blogging. For serious.

Third! This has been a very long week and I’m so excited that tonight is my work’s Christmas get-together. I could really use a drink. I planned this night out because my work really can’t afford to throw us a party, so I thought it would be nice to book a room and just invite everyone to come hang out. Nothing exclusive, just a space for us to gather. So I booked a room at one of our local faves, made up a few flyers to hang around the buildings, and began looking forward to a fun night out. I love hanging out with coworkers because they’re so much like family anymore. Any excuse to hang out is welcomed.

Anyway, so this afternoon, I get a call from my friend in a different office who tells me that some of our coworkers are under the impression that tonight is paid for by the company. OH. NO. Nowhere on my flyer does it say this is a company sponsored party. No one was ‘invited’, per se. And who in their right mind would see a flyer on a wall and believe the evening would be paid for? COME ON, PEOPLE!!!
So my relaxing night I’ve been looking forward to has just exploded and is now the cause for some serious stress. This post with no rhyme or reason is the result of that stress. I have lost any train of coherent thought. What’s on your agenda for the weekend? Any Christmas celebrations?

Moving on.

Fourth. I’ve been thinking more and more lately about taking advantage of my Twitter account. I’ve had one for a while but I only follow celebrities and I log on about once a month. But the more I read about fellow bloggers utilizing it, the more I want to be a part of the club! So this weekend I might do just that. Be prepared for some Twitter stalking as I muddle my way through the learning process. I’m kind of nervous! Any Twitter advice for me??

Fifth. It’s one week before Christmas! ONE WEEK!! I have barely begun shopping and I might be screwed. Are you all ready?

Happy Friday everyone!

The Twelve Days of...Me! Day Five

2009-12-17T12:58:00.003-06:00

Today's post was handed to me by Victoria S.
She tagged me to answer some questions about my writing, so...

On the Fifth Day of Me, I give to you...some answers!

1)What's the last thing you wrote? What's the first thing you wrote that you still have?

It’s been a few days since I’ve written anything, but the last thing I wrote was the opening of a new chapter of my current ms, Evie After. The first thing I wrote that I still have? My diary. And…I would have to say the first book of a series I spent a good eight years of my life writing. Anything before that, my mom probably has tucked away!

2) Write poetry?

I used to. I used to write it constantly. But somehow I lost my passion for it and now it just collects dust in an old binder on my bookshelf.

3) Angsty poetry?

I’m going to reveal something humiliating about myself. Here goes. ::Deep breath:: The most angst-filled poem I’ve ever written was about Taylor Hanson. From the band. Hanson. This is not a lie, but in fact a ridiculous truth. It was about four pages long and it rhymed and I read it out loud to my mother with tears in my eyes while hers glazed over. I’m pretty sure she had an anxiety attack waiting for me to finish the awful thing.

4) Favorite genre of writing?

I love getting lost in other worlds in fantasy/paranormal fiction, but I don’t think I have the mental capacity to create my own. I recently discovered YA fiction and I’ve been inhaling books as fast as I can to get my fix. I’ve never felt such a strong pull to books before YA, so I’m pretty sure it’s my calling.

5) Most annoying character you've ever created?

I wrote this chick who had the most amazing fiancé in the history of the world and I made her cheat on him. If that weren’t bad enough, she turned into this weepy paranoid person who couldn’t make a decision to save her life and annoyed the crap out of her two best friends. Story filed away!

6) Best plot you've ever created?

I would love to say the one I’m working on, but I have a new idea forming in my head and I’m loving it! One at a time, Julie, one at a time! I do love the story I’m working on now, though.

7) Coolest plot twist you've ever created?

The one I’m working on right now! I was surprised by it myself. No spilling the details on that just yet.

8) How often do you get writer's block?

Writer’s block and I are totally BFF. It happens all the time, especially lately. I’m not sure why because my ms is always on my mind and there’s no problem with flow up there, but when it comes to putting the words on the screen, I’m stumped. How is that???

9) Write fan fiction?

Not even once. I did, however, find inspiration in the Sweet Valley series and I developed my own series about twins(which turned into quintuplets along the way)because they fascinate me.

10) Do you type or write by hand?

Type! Before I had a computer(which wasn’t until my freshman year of COLLEGE)I wrote everything longhand or on my typewriter. I have notebooks upon notebooks of writing.

11) Do you save everything you write?

Thanks to my stepdad, I do. When I started packing to move out of my parent’s house, I tossed all my old stuff rather than cart it around with me. He told me I would regret it if I did that, and I thank him every day because he’s right.

12) Do you ever go back to an idea after you've abandoned it?

Sure. Sometimes the stuff I thought was crap at the time turns out to be better than my new stuff. I guess I just need to put things away for a while and come back with a fresh eye.

13) What's your favorite thing you've ever written?

I have this story about four girlfriends who all have these deep dark secrets that they keep from everyone, including each other, until a vacation together reveals everything. I loved creating the characters and helping them deal with their inner turmoil. This is one of those stories I plan to go back to. Maybe.

14) What's everyone else's favorite story you've written?

Honestly? No one has ever read my stories. I’m pretty sure my mom has peeked when I wasn’t around, but I’m pretty tight-lipped about my writing. It’s a part of the fear. I did write a poem once that I let my family read. It made everyone cry, so I guess it was good.

15) Ever written romance or angsty teen drama?

LOVE romance and angsty teen drama. To me, a book is not worth reading without these! Well, most of the time.

16) What's your favorite setting for your characters?

I like small towns where everyone knows everyone. Cities terrify me, so I wouldn’t even know where to begin with that. My current ms setting is inspired by a town near me on the river, but I’m adding my own elements.

17) How many writing projects are you working on right now?

My novel, Evie After, and planning to start jotting down ideas for the next one that’s been floating around in my head.

18) Have you ever won an award for your writing?
I have never won an award, but I was used as an example of what you’re SUPPOSED to do on a weekly basis in my Creative Writing class. My professor was a published author and each week we had to turn in a new chapter. Although I was embarrassed that he kept shouting my name and random pieces of my ms to the class, I was thrilled that he thought I was that good.

19) What are your five favorite words?

Dream, Believe, Hope, Inspire, Shine. Kind of cliché, I know, but they inspire me.

20) What character have you created that is most like yourself?

In that series I mentioned earlier? I created this character named Julie(wow! Surprise!)who was me to a T. And she had a boyfriend named Tony(because I had a monster crush on a guy named Anthony). I basically created these characters to write out my fantasies…

21) Where do you get your ideas for your characters?

Everywhere! People I know, people I read about, even things that don’t make sense, like when it snows. Usually I come up with an idea and the characters barge in whenever they feel like it and I have a story.

22) Do you ever write based on your dreams?

I’ve had some amazing dreams but I never wrote them down. Yes, I even had a fantasy novel play out in my dream, but when I woke up, I could only remember it for a minute. And then it was gone. ::Sigh::

23) Do you favor happy endings?

I favor uplifting endings which is different than happy ones, I think. I don’t like to give my characters everything they want, but I don’t want them to end up in an institution when they get older either.

24) Are you concerned with spelling and grammar as you write?

Oh my gosh, yes! At least with spelling. I am a stickler for proper spelling and I get all crazy-eyed when anything is wrong. I’m not perfect by any means, but I try to spell correctly.

25) Does music help you write?

Music inspires me to write, but I can’t listen to it while I’m writing. It’s too distracting. I listen to the words rather than the melody and I lose my focus. But I create playlists and when I’m writing a certain scene, I’ll play the songs that go with it to help me along.

26) Quote something you've written. Whatever pops in your head.

"“I know that if I stay here, nothing will get better.”

And so he would go away.
There was nowhere else in the whole world that would help him escape his memories. Nothing that wouldn’t remind him of my mom in one way or another. The only way he could start over, begin a whole new life...was to end his first."

Just a note: This quote came from a story I had been writing that was very personal to me. I chose this quote because it actually helped me move on in my own life. And then had to put it away because it got waaaaay too deep for me and I spent more time crying than writing. Maybe another time??

And that was an inside look at me.

Now I have to pass this on to five other bloggers. Forgive me if you've already been tagged to do this; I tried glancing through each blog to make sure, but when my eyes started to swim, I had to stop!

If you're not following these already, be sure to click that button! They are always awesome reads.

1. Anissa at Anissa Off the Record
2. Sara Tribble at I Am Write
3. Karen Denise at I'm Always Write
4. Jemi Fraser at Just Jemi
5. Heather at See Heather Write

There you go! Thanks again, Victoria, for tagging me! I had fun.

For the ladies I tagged, if you see this before I have a chance to tell you, I'm sorry! I can't leave you a comment at work, so it has to wait until tonight.

The Twelve Days of...Me! Day Four

2009-12-16T16:38:00.003-06:00

I don't have much time to write here today because I'm going to a Tupperware party at a friend's house right after work and probably won't be home until late.
But it's day four and I'm still blogging strong, just like I promised!

On the Fourth Day of Me, I give to you...the Little Green Monster.

I write YA. Romantic, contemporary, real life YA.

But I have a secret:
I would love to be able to write Paranormal/Fantasy YA. These books fascinate me, and when I read blogs of paranormal YA authors, I am quickly taken by the little green monster we like to call ENVY.
The imagination required to write these elaborate stories, to make up whole worlds with a completely different vocabulary, different morals, different everything, simply amazes me. I have a wild imagination, without a doubt, but I can't seem to come up with ideas outside the real world box.

J.K. Rowling alone blows me away. The spells, the potions, the creatures, the backstory of all of the quirky characters...who has this brain power to begin with? And why can't they share some with me???
How come when my MC goes to school, she wears jeans and a t-shirt and sits through boring classes like Chemistry? Why can't she go to Herbology while floating in House Robes instead?

Because it's just not in me.

Is it?

If it is, I wouldn't even know where to begin. And besides, I love the stories I create, even if they do take place in the real world.
This little green monster on my shoulder likes to torment me, though. He's always questioning why I don't put in a little more effort to come up with an alternate universe, a new creature to make women of every age swoon and line up outside theaters to drool over.
I hate that little guy.

I have so much admiration for people who can create those worlds, the intricate details that go along with those worlds, and the characters that would only fit in in those worlds. I wonder how they do it. I'd like to open their heads and root around in their brains for the answers to my questions.

But for now, I'll stick to writing about the girl/boy next door and their struggles with the real world. And that little green monster on my shoulder? He gets squashed by my bra strap.

Do any of you have a genre you'd love to write in, but just can't seem to do it for one reason or another? How do you squash your little green monster?

The Twelve Days of...Me! Day Three

2009-12-15T19:45:00.002-06:00

Can you believe this?? Three days in a row and a blogging record for me!

After a stressful work day and a heap of bad news, I thought about scrapping day three. But I'm determined to keep my promise of twelve days in a row, so here I am.

On the Third Day of Me, I give to you...my writing fears.

Okay, first of all, I'd just like to say that when I googled the word 'fear', a ton of really creepy pictures popped up. Apparently there's a video game with the same title and a super scary little girl(much like the girl from The Ring)on the cover.
Moving on and far away from that nonsense...

I'm sure everyone attempting to break into this business is scared. Even the people who have already been agented or published. There's always that 'what if' feeling in the back of your mind, a clench in your stomach, a lump in your throat.

I am no different. I know I have a talent, it's something I've done since I learned how to write a complete sentence. Writing is who I am, not just something I do. I need it like I need the air I breathe.
And more than anything, I want to be OUT THERE. You know exactly what I mean: to walk into a Barnes and Noble and see my cover on the New Authors shelves(and even better to be mixed in with all the big names!). To sit behind a table while people line up for my autograph, an opportunity to meet the person who wrote the words that touched them.
It is my dream, my biggest dream.

But what if it doesn't happen? I tell myself that this is foolish, if I think positive and work hard, of course it will happen.
But that stupid thing we call fear just creeps right back up, raising goosebumps across my arms and twisting my stomach into a ball of knots.
Sometimes the fear is so great, I wonder what the hell it is I think I'm doing, trying to break into this business!
But I force myself to take a moment and remember why I'm doing this. Because without it, I would not be who I am.
Even without publishing, I would still be a writer. But it wouldn't be my dream.

I'm a pusher. I push everyone I know(and sometimes even people I don't know!)to follow their dreams. There's enough room in this world for every dream to come true. And what a world it would be if more people went after their dreams!

So I wake up every morning with the fear, and I go to bed every night with it as well. But throughout the day, I know that in facing this fear, my dream will eventually come true and it will all be worth it.
I just keep chugging on, working harder and harder.
I will get there, you'll see.
I know I'm good enough. And you know what? You are, too. We're all in this together, facing the fear as partners, as friends. Fear is really just a molehill on this wonderful journey and if we all hold hands, we'll make it through.

Thanks to all my followers and fellow bloggers for being here for the ride. You give me the courage to continue!

What kinds of fears do you face in your writing? What pushes you over that hill to the other side?

The Twelve Days of...Me! Day Two

2009-12-14T20:34:00.003-06:00

On the Second Day of Me, I give to you...my first completed work.

How many of you remember the first story you ever wrote? The first time you wrote The End, the first time you ran out of space in that notebook?
I think the first story I ever wrote was called The Lost Kitten and was about a little girl who fought with her best friend. :)
Hopefully, I know a little better now about titles and storylines and the fact that they should, you know, make sense together!
But the first story I ever completed in written form was the story of my own life. My diary.
Reading it tonight, I found this:

"Just think: when I finally finish my diary, I will have completed my first book. It's a cool thought."(Jan. 12, 1996)

Yeah, that was a while ago! But I didn't even start flipping through my diary until I began writing this post. Kind of neat that I have the same idea regarding my first completed book now as I did way back then.

When you think about it, every story you create is a diary of someone's life. You create their world, their life story. You put it down on paper to relive over and over for years to come.
Let's just hope my diary never gets published! Several posts back, I said that I am boy crazy, but the proof in my diary is just ridiculous. Not to mention humiliating. Door shut and locked.

The great thing about my diary is that it shows me how far I've come in my writing while still proving that I have the same passion for words. Reading through the entries brought me right back to that second of my life, and I can clearly recall things I've long since forgotten. What a treat for a Monday night!
The words I poured into my diary are so important to me. They tell me where I've been and where I hoped to be as an adult. Thank goodness I'm not far off.
It might not be a work of fiction(although my imagination would prove otherwise), but I'm so proud to say that it is my first completed story. I've owned other diaries and journals, but I've never stuck to them the way I did that very first one.

I suppose it was just time to move on to someone else's story.

How do you feel when you think about or read the first story you've ever completed? Do you feel pride in the accomplishment? What did it help you to discover about yourself?

The Twelve Days of...Me! Day One

2009-12-13T21:25:00.003-06:00

In honor of Christmas and the fact that this year, I am trying to be a lot more selfless I am going to use the next twelve days(yes, I'm going to attempt a post twelve days in a row!)to be selfish and talk about yours truly.

On the first day of Me, I give to you...my inspiration.

I'll start off by saying that this year for Christmas, the only thing I asked for(and the only thing I wanted to buy for my family)was a donation to a charity. A charity of my choice, and nothing more. This did not happen because for some reason, this was considered 'silly' and I am now going to be receiving multiple Barnes and Noble gift cards to help me continue being selfish.
Ahem.
Because of my family's response to what I considered a good gift idea, I have limited my spending on them to twenty-five buckaroos a person. And I spent a few hundred(give or take)on toys for a hospital toy drive and a giving tree in my town. This made me feel much better(not to mention the pleasure of having to drop off the toys at the local fire station where all of the firefighters were very grateful for the donation...and very good looking)about receiving gift cards to help add to my reading addiction.

The biggest bonus of helping a charity? The inspiration I've had from giving to such an amazing cause. It's boosted my Christmas spirit and sparked my creative juices. Which comes in handy when creative juices run dry.
There's nothing like seeing that happy smile when you've made someone's day to push you forward. Nothing.
Someday, I hope to do that for my readers. I hope to inspire them, to make them think and react.

What about you? What is something that inspires you, especially around the holidays?

Pondering Themes

2009-12-03T21:07:00.003-06:00

Tell me what kind of books you gravitate toward.
Do you enjoy the ones that are just for fun, a lot of action and drama with no real 'purpose' except to entertain?
Or do you like the ones that have an underlying message? The kind where the main character learns something in the end, something that makes him/her a better person.

I find that I read and write books that have some kind of meaning, something that is important to me and that I want to be important to my readers as well.
Maybe it's because I am so full of advice and I want to get it out there in mass amounts and hope that everyone LISTENS TO ME!!! :)
Or maybe it's because stories that teach you something always seem to inspire me, even if I already live by what is being taught. In that case, it might actually inspire me more.

The picture I found stands for 'believe in yourself'. This is something I preach to everyone who is in need of advice for...well, pretty much anything.
And because I write YA, I believe that this theme falls into play a lot. Who needs to believe in themselves more than teens who are struggling to find a place for themselves in this crazy world?

How about you? Do you have any favorite themes? Or do you just like to read(and write)books that simply entertain and detach yourself from the real world?

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-25T20:16:00.005-06:00

Guess what? You will never guess because I am so astonished about this myself...
I picked seven fellow bloggers(some I just discovered, some who just deserved it)to receive the award I won, what, two weeks ago? Geez...
Again, a big thank you to Julie Dao for this award:

To follow the rules:

1. Thank whoever gave this to you
2. Copy award
3. Post it in your blog
4. Tell us 7 things that your readers don’t know
5. Link 7 new bloggers
6. Notify winners of the award with a comment on their blog
7. Keep being awesome!

Already did 1, 2, and 3! Yay!!
As for the seven things about me...

1. I love tea. Hot tea, cold tea...it's wonderful, and in my opionion, fixes everything! Plus, I hoard it like it's going out of style. I have a whole cabinet devoted to all things tea. And now that the Christmas flavors are out, look out! I almost lost it when I saw the display at Walmart. My husband acted like he didn't know me.

2. I used to want to be a professional dancer. Like, a Laker girl(pro cheerleader?). Hey, Paul Abdul did it, so it must be awesome.

3. I think I am the funniest person in the whole wide world. Sometimes I send myself into fits of laughter at random moments, usually causing people to stop and stare, or my coworkers to come into my office to check on me. The funny things always happen in my head.

4. I am terrified of my slow cooker. I realize that this is irrational and that the house most likely will not burn down should I utilize this appliance, but the fear remains.

5. I would much rather watch the teen dramas like 90210 and Vampire Diaries than any 'grown up' shows on TV. This is usually only a problem when someone at work says, 'so and so from this grown up TV show is so sexy' and I'm all, 'yeah, so is Stefan and Liam' and I get this blank expression in return. Kind of embarrassing.

6. I once had a naughty dream about Daniel Radcliffe(you know. Harry Potter.). Which is strange because my fave character is Ron Weasley.

7. I snort when I laugh. This is when I find something extremely funny. Like those funny things I come up with in my head.

And now....for the seven blogs. This, by the way, was extremely difficult for me because most of my free time happens at work and I can't spend all my time on blogger at work! And there are so many deserving. But here are the ones I picked:

1. Anissa at Anissa off the Record.
2. Heather at See Heather Write because the first blog I read of hers was Harry Potter overload and I heart Harry Potter!
3. Jody Hedlund for being such an inspiration.
4. Jemi Fraser at Just Jemi.
5. Carrie Harris.
6. Sara Tribble at I Am Write.
7. Karen Denise Parkville at I'm Always Write because she loves Ron Weasley and I love Ron Weasley...therefore I love Karen.

So there you have it. Yay me! I know, I know, it's about time.
But check out all these great blogs and let them know how awesome you think they are(because they really are!).
And have a Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Me, Myself, and I....or He Said/She Said???

2009-11-19T22:56:00.003-06:00

I'd like to start off by saying a HUGE thank you to Julie at Silver Lining for my awesome new award! I'm so excited about it. And I promise, promise, promise that I will complete what is required of me this time...just not tonight as it is eleven o'clock and I have just kicked my back's rear end(possible? Yes, I'm pretty sure of it.)by hands-and-knees scrubbing the kitchen and bathroom floors.
So I'll try to have my blog picks up by the end of this weekend.

Moving on...
I've been thinking a lot lately about POV. I feel as though I've hit a wall in my ms and I think that the POV is the cause of it. For years now, I've been writing in first person with no alternating narrators. It's just my thing.
But one thing I hate about reading books in first person is when the MC is not exactly cheery.
Sometimes I have a hard time liking the MC for this reason. I mean, all you hear is his/her inner turmoil and after a while, it gets tough to read.
I think that is my problem. My MC is going through some rough times and it's kind of depressing me. And the last thing I want to do is depress my readers!

I've also been reading several blogs about the stereotypical 'bad boy' lately. The bad boys always create that exciting, sexy element and they are fun to have around. But the beef is always that bad boys are bad just to be bad. And when you're reading something in first person, how do you really know what's going on in that bad boy's life without the MC constantly around him?

As I get to know my characters more and more, I'm realizing that I don't like not having the 'in' with my male character. I thought about alternating first person viewpoints, but I'm just not feeling it.
So I tried writing a scene in third person, just to see how it flowed for me. And it was great!
Now I think I might go back and change the whole thing to give the 'bad boy'(who's not really bad, just misunderstood)a chance to shine.

First person has always been my choice because I find that it's easier to be funny or to have exaggerated reactions from the MC. After all, everything is a much bigger deal in my own head than it actually is in real life which is how I entertain myself.
But I'm going to trust my gut and attempt this new POV. It will be a lot of work, but I think it will pay off in the end.

What do you think of this? Have you ever changed the POV in the middle of writing a story? Did you like the end result? And which POV do you usually prefer and why?

I'd love to hear everyone's opinions!

In Which I Whine

2009-11-14T10:05:00.005-06:00

Ah, yes. It is true. I've been MIA for what seems like forever, but now I'm back, and filled with new writing drama. If it weren't ten in the morning, I would say that the silver lining would be the glass of wine(because every good whine deserves a glass of wine as a reward)at the end of this post....oh well.

Anyway, sorry I've been slacking for a while. I've had office drama, no sleep because my husband snores like a Looney Tunes character and flails about violently for no particular reason, waking me in the process so that I can cover my head for protection(seriously), and thank-goodness-my husband-is-still-alive-drama(he works with heavy machinery and sometimes it's scary), so things have been wearing on me lately.

Commence whining! Oh, wait, you mean I already started in that previous paragraph?? Silly me.

Continue whining!

I was blog surfing yesterday. And I decided to pick one and go back to the beginning, to get to know the blogger and where she came from. In one post she discusses her novel and happens to mention a backstory....um...hello?? Have I met you before, Person-who-wrote-an-almost-identical-backstory-to-my-MC? Because, seriously. The two were so similar, you would have thought that maybe we had been a writing duo at one time and recently decided to go solo but neither of us could decide who got to keep the ideas.
Unfortunately for me, this person has already been agented, and because we appear to write in the same genre, I have to come up with a completely different backstory. Or at least twist mine in some way to make it spectacular on its own.

::Sigh::

My other whine of the day is that my MC's name is the same as another fellow blogger. This is not so bad, as we write in different genres and they don't have the same surname. I don't think. If a name were easy to change, I would do it in a heartbeat, just so I wouldn't feel all copycatty. But it's not easy to change in the least. So, I'm going to keep it.

The bright side to my very whiny Saturday morning? I finally came up with a title for my ms! Or, at least a working title. Now I don't have to open my YA Novel file which has always made me feel a little silly. And now that I have this, I feel a little more pumped about writing it, like I know what I'm shooting for or something. Does that make sense?

So that, in a large nutshell, is what has been weighing on my mind lately. Hopefully by my next post I'll have the glass of wine(except that I usually write these at work which probably wouldn't be a good thing)and no whining to go along with it.

How about you? Have you ever read something that is eerily similar to what you've been pouring your heart and soul into? How did you react?

Have a good weekend, everyone!

Thwarted!!

2009-10-29T15:53:00.002-05:00

I have been slacking. Hugetime. On everything.

Do you ever feel like everything you try to accomplish is thwarted by something you feel you have no control over?

Let's use writing as a starting example.
There is only one working computer in my house which means that I have to 'share' my computer time with my husband who has a severe internet addiction.
Sometimes I find myself sitting on the couch across the room from him, trying to force him off using the awesome powers of mind control. This, unfortunately, does not work in my favor.
I have very little time in the evenings to get any work accomplished after I take care of my 'nightly duties'. You're probably reading this, thinking, 'get your husband to help with the duties'. And I, in turn, am laughing at you.

I try to work around this problem by working on my ms at work...while I'm being paid to, you know, work. Most of the time, this is no problem and I keep my focus fairly well amidst the noise of a car dealership. But when I'm busy doing the work I'm actually being paid to do, writing has to take a backseat. Sometimes for days.

I wish I could stay up all night and get things done, but I just can't! How do you all do it??? How, I ask you?

Another thwarted attempt: commenting! It is SO frustrating to read someone's blog at work, leave a comment because I 'totally get what this person is saying', only to find out that I CAN'T LEAVE COMMENTS!!!! My work has blocked me from this. Which means I must do my blog reading at home, at night, when I'm done standing in line for my computer. Which in turn means I don't get to comment on anything. Because when I finally do get to use the computer, I have to use it to get my work done!

Aargh!!!

How I wish I had an Easy Button to press whenever I am overwhelmed. It seems to happen so often.

So I ask you, how do you make time for your writing when it seems like every opportunity you have to get something done is thwarted? How do you make writing a priority over other things?

Ugh, even this post took me a couple hours to finish and it doesn't even make sense when I read it over! Today is a Julie-needs-help day.

The Envelope, Please

2009-10-20T20:54:00.002-05:00

Just a little blog surfing tonight.
Then suddenly, "oh, my gosh, it's my name underneath an AWARD!!"
::Bouncing on couch commences::

Thank you, so much, to Melane at Chasing the Dream for presenting me with my very first blog award!

This means so much to me, especially in a community that still somewhat scares the crap out of me. I'm working on this, I swear!

The winners are hard to choose, so let me mull this one over and I'll come back to it.

As for the seven things you don't know about me...well, this could take all night, seeing as how I'm still new to you. But we'll try it anyway.

1. I love Britney Spears(oh, no, was that a good one to start with? Will you all stop reading my blog now???)

2. My dream vacation is London.

3. I am completely boy crazy(yes, I am married, but this is totally innocent).

4. I hate movies in which an animal dies or is hurt or neglected, etc, etc.

5. I make KILLER chocolate chip cookies and refuse to share my secret.

6. My biggest regret is having never gone away to college.

7. I still watch Saturday morning cartoons(even if the good ones are hard to come by).

Hopefully tomorrow I'll have seven winners for all of you to check out.

And thanks again, Melane, for this awesome award! I can't even begin to describe this ego boost.

Facing the Fear

2009-10-13T15:43:00.005-05:00

I read a post the other day that seemed to hit home moreso than any other post I've read in a while. Here's the original post.

If you don't want to click on the link, I'll just tell you that the entry is about 'coming out of the closet'. To be a successful author anymore, you can't just submit a manuscript and collect payment. You have to build up a network, expose yourself to the world...to anyone who will listen.
And everyone knows that writing is extremely personal.

I have no trouble at all proclaiming my desire to be a published writer. When talking to friends and even sometimes strangers, I have no problem changing my job title from 'biller for a car dealership and I hate my job' to 'writer'.
But when they ask, 'What are you working on?', I wave off the question with a casual, 'Oh, nothing. Just a fiction novel'.

When in fact, it's so much more. It's my life. It's my passion. My dream that I'm trying my hardest to realize.
Why do I try to pass it off as nothing? My little sister is an amazing artist with oodles of money-making potential and she has no problem displaying her work for all the world to see.
But I shut myself away and hope that people forget I ever said I was a writer.

What, I ask, is up with that!?

Sharing such a huge part of my soul is a scary thing, but I know that it is something I must do.
That is why I started this blog.

I knew I needed to get myself out there, find some support, people to follow me. So I did.
Then the other day, I opened my email and there were comments, COMMENTS! from people, perfect strangers who took the time to read something I wrote. I felt my cheeks burning as I read, both from embarrassment that someone actually took notice and from the adrenaline rush I got from realizing this.
It was a strange feeling, scary and liberating all at once.
And when I logged onto blogger and saw that I had followers, FOLLOWERS!!!! I almost cried.
What an awesome feeling, to share something so personal with other people going through the same things.

Hopefully this will help me overcome my fear of 'outing' myself. It's working so far, and I've gone so far as to include my blog in my email signature, getting my name out to friends, family, and business associates.
And the next time someone asks me what I'm working on, I'm going to try to show a little more enthusiasm for the work I love and yours truly.

Thanks for reading!

The Next Peak

2009-10-05T20:11:00.003-05:00

I have my idea.
I have my two main characters, Evie and Josh. I love them and they don't even have life yet.
I have a town and the conflict.

I don't have an opening line.

If I don't have an opening line, I have nothing. My idea is shot without that killer opener, the line that decides the fate of my story. If it's not perfect, it will be passed by.
How many times have you opened a book(after first judging it by its cover, of course)to check out that first line, to hear the voice of the narrator, to see if you can feel the emotion right away? How many times have you put the book down because the first line of the first chapter did not draw you in?

"Once upon a time..."
"It was a dark and stormy night..."
"To be or not to be..."

That, essentially, is the question.

How do you come up with the perfect first line? Do you use dialogue? Do you start with a memory? A dream? Just before the action? In the middle of the action? Do you start at the end?

There are so many questions to ask when coming up with an opening line. And until I have that, how can I move on? How can I create a world for these two characters I already love if I don't know how they begin?

It's driving me crazy!!!

Back to the thinking board...

The Truth About Forever

2009-09-29T18:52:00.002-05:00

Once again, I am pimping Sarah Dessen. After reading Along For the Ride, I borrowed the rest of the Sarah Dessen collection from my sister. My first pick?
This amazing gem:

This was a story about Macy, a teenager who is 'dealing' with the loss of her father with no help from her mother who seems content to pretend he never existed at all.
The story follows Macy through a pretty ignorant breakup email from her boyfriend Jason, and leads her to a waitressing job with a company named 'Wish'. It is here that she meets a group of people who show her how to let go and move on, how to be herself rather than the person she thinks people want her to be.
And, of course, she falls in love with Wes, an amazing guy that the reader can't help but fall in love with.

This book really touched me because I only recently lost my own father and dealing with it has been no easy feat. As each day passes, I prove to myself over and over that I am not the person I thought I was, that my thoughts and feelings, hopes and dreams, run much deeper than they used to. It's amazing the way a person changes when they lose something, or someone, close to them. In my case, it's the distance I had between my father and me that inspires me to be a better person than I was the day before.
I miss him more than I thought, but in losing him, I gained something else: my extraordinary passion for writing, something I've always loved to do, but never pushed as hard to do it as I do now.

In this book, Sarah Dessen managed to capture my exact feelings about my own loss, and I am grateful that I had a chance to read it. She is definitely a huge inspiration to me, and I hope that one day I get to say it to her.

Writer's Block....Name Block??

2009-09-21T14:55:00.002-05:00

Perhaps I spend too much time on the small details.
Before beginning the writing process, I come up with the main and secondary characters, as every writer does, I'm sure.
When it comes to my main characters, I need to be able to visualize them perfectly in my head so that I can know them better while I write their story.

The first step, before I even decide what color hair or eyes they will have, is coming up with the perfect name.
What makes the perfect name? I'm really not sure. But usually, when I hear it, I know it.
But right now I'm at a standstill. I have my male lead, and because I have his name set in stone, I know that he will have shaggy blonde hair and deep green eyes with a crooked smile that sets my female lead's heart aflutter(of course!).
But that female lead...she is an empty face, a headless body, until I can name her.

Is this strange?
I'm not sure.

I feel that if I do not love the name, then I will not be able to portray a character that readers will love. She has to be as familiar to me as my own reflection in a mirror, from the length of her eyelashes down to the beauty mark on her earlobe.
I must know my main characters as much as, if not more than, myself.

For the story I'm set to begin, I have a main character, a female, who is quiet and shy, studious with her feet planted firmly on the ground. She is not boy crazy, except for one, and she doesn't even realize it right away. Her world is turned upside down very near the beginning of the story and she must rise above her current situation to come out on top at the end.
This character is kind and caring, and I want my readers to love her as I already do even without fully understanding her or knowing who she is.
I just need a name...
Perhaps a quiet night at home will do the trick? We'll see.

Relieved

2009-09-15T19:44:00.002-05:00

I finished my short story!
This is a huge accomplishment for me since it's so difficult to fit everything in 3500 words or less! I always have so much to say.

And even better...this is the first time EVER that I have entered a writing contest of any kind. A huge step for me. And it will be read by Jodi Picoult! How amazing is that?
Of course, my work does not even compare to the masterpieces she comes up with. And I'm almost embarrassed to think that she's going to read what I wrote. It's not nearly as deep as her work, but I hope the theme sticks with her.
I finally came up with an idea about three days ago for my short story, keeping it personal but not too revealing.
I chose to write about a woman on the morning(or middle of the night)of her wedding, a sleepless night during which she wonders if she's making the right decision in getting married.
It's mostly inner monologue, her fears of marriage and what she will be come once she 'loses her identity'.
She ends up staying up all night, analyzing the what ifs to death, and at the very last second, right before she walks down the aisle, realizes that her marriage will only be as great as she makes it.
Having just got married myself, I felt this was something I could relate to and write about, and I know that every woman who has been married has had some kind of doubt, even if it is fleeting.

Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Fork

2009-09-10T10:27:00.004-05:00

As in, 'in the road'.

I've always written chick lit. Well, I can't say that. When I was a teenager, I wrote about teenagers. I didn't care about 'old' people, people in their twenties or so.
But after the age of, oh, nineteen or so, I began writing more adult novels, mainly because I was entering adulthood myself and could understand more what they went through.
And now I'm twenty-eight and I want to be sixteen again. Don't get me wrong, I still love my chick lit and I like writing about people my age.
But I've started reading more and more YA and I've gotta say, I'm in love.
I love the innocence of them, the firsts of everything. First kiss, first day of school, first time behind the wheel...there's something so magical about being a teenager.
So I'm going to follow the road less traveled in my writing and give it a shot!
My inspiration?

Sarah Dessen

This was the first book I'd ever read by her and I literally fell in love. Not only did it make me want to buy a house on the beach in a beach town, but it made me want to redo my teenage years with these people. With 'that boy'.

And it also made me want to sit down and write and write and write until my first young adult novel is completed.

Of course, I will have to take a stab at it AFTER my short story is complete. It's due on September 15th and I am no closer to having a great idea than I was the day I found out about the contest!
I actually think I'm going to start over completely. Find something better to say. Because even though I'm all for the revealing 'dad' story I had going, I could not figure out how to relate it to women! At all. It was a defining point in my life, I am, of course, familiar with the situation, but not every woman has had to deal with a homeless alcoholic father their whole lives. Not every woman can relate to my unique situation.
I have an idea...let's just hope it pans out and becomes the great one.

Inspiration

2009-09-03T13:41:00.003-05:00

I've been thinking lately of the things that inspire me to write...as a writer, I know how important it is to write consistently rather than when inspiration strikes. And even if I write nothing as far as my novel goes, I always try to write something, just to keep up a flow, whether it be my blog, on writers market, a simple journal entry or a detailed email to a close friend(this is how they usually end up with pages to read rather than a simple how are you...my emails are always full of my musings!).
But sometimes I find that when something truly inspires me, there's no telling how much real writing I can get done!
In the car, I have a habit of carrying with me the CDs that lift me up and help me realize that I have something to give, something to say. And it's always easier to write after I listen to them.
An example? Sure.
My favorite is Josh Groban. Here's a video, to give you an idea:

I also find myself engrossed in reading blogs on all sorts of subjects, usually while I'm supposed to be working! And simply reading a great book will put me on the right track.
Everytime I find something that inspires me, I think to myself, 'someday that will be me. Someday I'll be able to do what I love for a living'. All about positive thinking, right?
Still working on that one. :)

What I Know

2009-09-02T09:40:00.003-05:00

I've heard it time and time again. 'Write What You Know'.

My life hasn't exactly been book-worthy. I can't pick up a pen and come up with three hundred pages of how my life has given me so much experience, turned me into a success, inspired me to push forward, giving my dreams all I have.

Or can I? I was raised by two loving parents who taught me how to be the person I am today. I grew up quickly when I realized I had to help care for my little sister during a very difficult time in our lives...the loss of the man who was 'Daddy' and the birth of a perfect stranger, one who chose a life of selfishness and addiction over his own family.
From then on, I have strived to become who I am. I learned from my mother's example...and also my father's. I knew that I wanted to be warm, loving, and open to all people and ideas. I knew that I did not want to disappear into a liquor bottle, lost in the mistakes of my past and the choices made by my father.

Because of this...I believe in being open to all sorts of people, no matter their race, gender, sexual preference, or religious beliefs. I donate to charities(although I'd love to donate my time as well)and am one of those people who will hand over some money, whether I have it or not, if I can see that you are struggling. I find that I am taken advantage of because of this, but it doesn't matter. In the end, I know that I helped someone and that is important to me.

I learned from the mistakes of the people I love, and even people I don't know, and to this day strive to be a better person than I was yesterday.

Although my life was never full of drama, I have seen a lot and dealt with a lot more. I have been the shoulder more often than I've needed a shoulder. I'm not an extremely religious person, but I do believe in following the example set for us so many years ago. There is a reason why I am here, and I intend to do something about it.

Why is this important, you ask?
I am writing a short story for a contest...I've never written a short story before now, and I don't know how to go about it. I don't know how to find my voice in my story. I'm supposed to base the story on women of today, what they deal with, things of that nature.
After much agonizing, reading endless 'how-tos', and asking everyone in the world for ideas, I came up with a gleaming turd. Single motherhood. Plenty of women deal with this, and while it can be a huge struggle, it is also something that can be a blessing.
So I wrote 3500 words of crap. Why was it crap? Because I am not a single mom. I know single moms, I was raised by one for part of my life....but I know nothing about being a mom at all, much less a single one.
So how could I find my voice when I have no words for it?

But I do have a past, and that past includes finding myself and who I am as a woman. And the person who helped define me more than anyone else was my father. In working to make myself his polar opposite, I found exactly who I am and who I want to be. My mother raised me and I want to be most like her, but without my father, I would probably still be looking for myself amongst a sea of familiarity, never risking anything to learn about yours truly.
So my short story, I have decided, will be about him...not his story, of course, but my own, how I came to terms with his addiction and his death. How the rest of my life will be affected by the fact that he is not here, was not at my wedding, will not meet my children.
Women deal with regret and with defining themselves based on their own terms and not anyone else's. The risks they take are usually greater than that of men because they are expected to fail. They fight to stand out.
This won't be an autobiography. Just 3500 words about a girl missing her father, using my voice.
I will write what I know, and I will do it well.

Out of the Box

2009-08-31T20:40:00.002-05:00

A quick entry:
I am entering a writing contest for the very first time in my life! I am very nervous, but very excited about it. I have to write a short story with the theme having to do with women today. Should be easy enough, considering that I am, in fact, a woman of today.
But, I've never written a short story before. I have a wild imagination which is why novels are my calling....but I'm going to try.
It's for Good Housekeeping magazine and Jodi Picoult, one of my favorite authors, is the guest judge! Jodi Picoult will be reading MY story!
So it must be good. Very very good.
Wish me luck and I'll try to post it here when it's done!

Who's Married? Me?? No...

2009-08-31T20:21:00.009-05:00

I'm taking a moment to post this:

Because they(Love and Theft) are my new obsession...and I got to meet them!

You can check out their video here:

Momentary lapse in sanity. My husband knows who he married. What of it??

Motivation

2009-08-18T20:36:00.003-05:00

I started paying attention to when I do my best writing. The events of the day, how I've been feeling, you know, my general mood.
And it seems to me that the more angry I become, the more adrenaline I have coursing through my veins, the more motivated I am to write. And everything I say surprises me, even years later.
For example:
I haven't touched my computer for any reason other than scoping out people on Facebook or reading up on my favorite bloggers since sometime near the end of 2008. This was mainly because I was so focused on my wedding, I couldn't hear myself think through the swarm of must-do's and ohmigod's buzzing in my brain.
Even after the wedding, I still had trouble getting back to my 'special place'. I was discouraged, even a little depressed. I know that a writer can't sit around and wait for inspiration and normally I don't. But I literally had no creative juices flowing and it was the worst time of my life.(The lack of inspiration, not being married! :)
Then one day I opened my email at work and there sat this two page letter from my mother-in-law who 'wanted to say a few things to me'.
And then proceeded to tell me that I was rude and disrespectful to her and her family and included incidents that have never even happened!
Then she delivered the biggest blow:
She had the nerve to say that my father-in-law, who employs my husband, is how my 'bread gets buttered'. Basically saying that without FIL and my husband, I would be nowhere and nothing.
The next day, I started writing again.
I decided, if subconsciously, that no one was going to make me feel like I had to rely on another in order to survive in this world. No one was going to tell me I wasn't good enough to do something.
This is my life, my world, all that I am. I WILL make it. I WILL butter my own bread.
And she can kiss my ass.

Blank Slate

2009-08-10T11:33:00.003-05:00

I ended my last blog with a post that stated I would be back, eventually, with a reason to write.

I wanted to have something to say, something that wasn't mindless chatter that no one actually cares about anyway.

Once people look forward to hearing what I have to say, maybe then I can talk about the things I have rolling around in my head, the random banter that is my norm.

This blog....

Is going to be about my climb.

My climb to what, you ask?

My climb to success, to being the person people want to hear about.

I am a writer, have always been a writer, it is in my blood, the one thing that completes me.

I have not been published, and this is most likely due to a lack of backbone on my part. I have stories, poems, letters that could make some seriously good articles.

It fills my office, clutters my mind, and is desperate to receive the attention it deserves.

I have an idea for a book.

I have the greatest desire to write novels, stories that will make people smile, laugh, fall in love, cry, and find peace in their own lives.

This is my goal.

This is my dream.

I wanted to make this blog as a way to reach out, to connect with anyone who is willing to listen, to offer advice, to be a shoulder on what is probably going to be a long and treacherous journey.

This time, I am going to do it.

I am going to overcome my fear of rejection, my fear of failure, and put myself out there.

This is going to be the start of a new me, and I'm dedicating it to all of the people who believed in me, and also to the people who had no faith at all.

It is because of you, because of ALL of you, that I am moving forward, starting this new chapter in my life.

Once I have started outlining my story, I am going to post updates on my ideas, reveal the plot, introduce my characters, and wait for feedback.

I don't know who will read this, but I am putting it out there for all to see.

Thanks in advance to anyone who is willing to pause for a minute on my page, to get to know me just a little bit.

And hopefully in a not so long amount of time, you will see my name as you walk in the front door of Barnes and Noble, you will pick up my book and a cup of Starbucks coffee, and you will make me a friend for life.

It's nice to meet you.