Thwarted!!

I have been slacking. Hugetime. On everything.

Do you ever feel like everything you try to accomplish is thwarted by something you feel you have no control over?

Let's use writing as a starting example.
There is only one working computer in my house which means that I have to 'share' my computer time with my husband who has a severe internet addiction.
Sometimes I find myself sitting on the couch across the room from him, trying to force him off using the awesome powers of mind control. This, unfortunately, does not work in my favor.
I have very little time in the evenings to get any work accomplished after I take care of my 'nightly duties'. You're probably reading this, thinking, 'get your husband to help with the duties'. And I, in turn, am laughing at you.

I try to work around this problem by working on my ms at work...while I'm being paid to, you know, work. Most of the time, this is no problem and I keep my focus fairly well amidst the noise of a car dealership. But when I'm busy doing the work I'm actually being paid to do, writing has to take a backseat. Sometimes for days.

I wish I could stay up all night and get things done, but I just can't! How do you all do it??? How, I ask you?

Another thwarted attempt: commenting! It is SO frustrating to read someone's blog at work, leave a comment because I 'totally get what this person is saying', only to find out that I CAN'T LEAVE COMMENTS!!!! My work has blocked me from this. Which means I must do my blog reading at home, at night, when I'm done standing in line for my computer. Which in turn means I don't get to comment on anything. Because when I finally do get to use the computer, I have to use it to get my work done!

Aargh!!!

How I wish I had an Easy Button to press whenever I am overwhelmed. It seems to happen so often.

So I ask you, how do you make time for your writing when it seems like every opportunity you have to get something done is thwarted? How do you make writing a priority over other things?

Ugh, even this post took me a couple hours to finish and it doesn't even make sense when I read it over! Today is a Julie-needs-help day.

The Envelope, Please

Just a little blog surfing tonight.
Then suddenly, "oh, my gosh, it's my name underneath an AWARD!!"
::Bouncing on couch commences::

Thank you, so much, to Melane at Chasing the Dream for presenting me with my very first blog award!

This means so much to me, especially in a community that still somewhat scares the crap out of me. I'm working on this, I swear!

The winners are hard to choose, so let me mull this one over and I'll come back to it.

As for the seven things you don't know about me...well, this could take all night, seeing as how I'm still new to you. But we'll try it anyway.

1. I love Britney Spears(oh, no, was that a good one to start with? Will you all stop reading my blog now???)

2. My dream vacation is London.

3. I am completely boy crazy(yes, I am married, but this is totally innocent).

4. I hate movies in which an animal dies or is hurt or neglected, etc, etc.

5. I make KILLER chocolate chip cookies and refuse to share my secret.

6. My biggest regret is having never gone away to college.

7. I still watch Saturday morning cartoons(even if the good ones are hard to come by).

Hopefully tomorrow I'll have seven winners for all of you to check out.

And thanks again, Melane, for this awesome award! I can't even begin to describe this ego boost.

Facing the Fear

I read a post the other day that seemed to hit home moreso than any other post I've read in a while. Here's the original post.

If you don't want to click on the link, I'll just tell you that the entry is about 'coming out of the closet'. To be a successful author anymore, you can't just submit a manuscript and collect payment. You have to build up a network, expose yourself to the world...to anyone who will listen.
And everyone knows that writing is extremely personal.

I have no trouble at all proclaiming my desire to be a published writer. When talking to friends and even sometimes strangers, I have no problem changing my job title from 'biller for a car dealership and I hate my job' to 'writer'.
But when they ask, 'What are you working on?', I wave off the question with a casual, 'Oh, nothing. Just a fiction novel'.

When in fact, it's so much more. It's my life. It's my passion. My dream that I'm trying my hardest to realize.
Why do I try to pass it off as nothing? My little sister is an amazing artist with oodles of money-making potential and she has no problem displaying her work for all the world to see.
But I shut myself away and hope that people forget I ever said I was a writer.

What, I ask, is up with that!?

Sharing such a huge part of my soul is a scary thing, but I know that it is something I must do.
That is why I started this blog.

I knew I needed to get myself out there, find some support, people to follow me. So I did.
Then the other day, I opened my email and there were comments, COMMENTS! from people, perfect strangers who took the time to read something I wrote. I felt my cheeks burning as I read, both from embarrassment that someone actually took notice and from the adrenaline rush I got from realizing this.
It was a strange feeling, scary and liberating all at once.
And when I logged onto blogger and saw that I had followers, FOLLOWERS!!!! I almost cried.
What an awesome feeling, to share something so personal with other people going through the same things.

Hopefully this will help me overcome my fear of 'outing' myself. It's working so far, and I've gone so far as to include my blog in my email signature, getting my name out to friends, family, and business associates.
And the next time someone asks me what I'm working on, I'm going to try to show a little more enthusiasm for the work I love and yours truly.

Thanks for reading!

The Next Peak

I have my idea.
I have my two main characters, Evie and Josh. I love them and they don't even have life yet.
I have a town and the conflict.

I don't have an opening line.

If I don't have an opening line, I have nothing. My idea is shot without that killer opener, the line that decides the fate of my story. If it's not perfect, it will be passed by.
How many times have you opened a book(after first judging it by its cover, of course)to check out that first line, to hear the voice of the narrator, to see if you can feel the emotion right away? How many times have you put the book down because the first line of the first chapter did not draw you in?

"Once upon a time..."
"It was a dark and stormy night..."
"To be or not to be..."

That, essentially, is the question.

How do you come up with the perfect first line? Do you use dialogue? Do you start with a memory? A dream? Just before the action? In the middle of the action? Do you start at the end?

There are so many questions to ask when coming up with an opening line. And until I have that, how can I move on? How can I create a world for these two characters I already love if I don't know how they begin?

It's driving me crazy!!!

Back to the thinking board...

The Truth About Forever

Once again, I am pimping Sarah Dessen. After reading Along For the Ride, I borrowed the rest of the Sarah Dessen collection from my sister. My first pick?
This amazing gem:




This was a story about Macy, a teenager who is 'dealing' with the loss of her father with no help from her mother who seems content to pretend he never existed at all.
The story follows Macy through a pretty ignorant breakup email from her boyfriend Jason, and leads her to a waitressing job with a company named 'Wish'. It is here that she meets a group of people who show her how to let go and move on, how to be herself rather than the person she thinks people want her to be.
And, of course, she falls in love with Wes, an amazing guy that the reader can't help but fall in love with.

This book really touched me because I only recently lost my own father and dealing with it has been no easy feat. As each day passes, I prove to myself over and over that I am not the person I thought I was, that my thoughts and feelings, hopes and dreams, run much deeper than they used to. It's amazing the way a person changes when they lose something, or someone, close to them. In my case, it's the distance I had between my father and me that inspires me to be a better person than I was the day before.
I miss him more than I thought, but in losing him, I gained something else: my extraordinary passion for writing, something I've always loved to do, but never pushed as hard to do it as I do now.

In this book, Sarah Dessen managed to capture my exact feelings about my own loss, and I am grateful that I had a chance to read it. She is definitely a huge inspiration to me, and I hope that one day I get to say it to her.

Writer's Block....Name Block??

Perhaps I spend too much time on the small details.
Before beginning the writing process, I come up with the main and secondary characters, as every writer does, I'm sure.
When it comes to my main characters, I need to be able to visualize them perfectly in my head so that I can know them better while I write their story.

The first step, before I even decide what color hair or eyes they will have, is coming up with the perfect name.
What makes the perfect name? I'm really not sure. But usually, when I hear it, I know it.
But right now I'm at a standstill. I have my male lead, and because I have his name set in stone, I know that he will have shaggy blonde hair and deep green eyes with a crooked smile that sets my female lead's heart aflutter(of course!).
But that female lead...she is an empty face, a headless body, until I can name her.

Is this strange?
I'm not sure.

I feel that if I do not love the name, then I will not be able to portray a character that readers will love. She has to be as familiar to me as my own reflection in a mirror, from the length of her eyelashes down to the beauty mark on her earlobe.
I must know my main characters as much as, if not more than, myself.

For the story I'm set to begin, I have a main character, a female, who is quiet and shy, studious with her feet planted firmly on the ground. She is not boy crazy, except for one, and she doesn't even realize it right away. Her world is turned upside down very near the beginning of the story and she must rise above her current situation to come out on top at the end.
This character is kind and caring, and I want my readers to love her as I already do even without fully understanding her or knowing who she is.
I just need a name...
Perhaps a quiet night at home will do the trick? We'll see.

Relieved

I finished my short story!
This is a huge accomplishment for me since it's so difficult to fit everything in 3500 words or less! I always have so much to say.

And even better...this is the first time EVER that I have entered a writing contest of any kind. A huge step for me. And it will be read by Jodi Picoult! How amazing is that?
Of course, my work does not even compare to the masterpieces she comes up with. And I'm almost embarrassed to think that she's going to read what I wrote. It's not nearly as deep as her work, but I hope the theme sticks with her.
I finally came up with an idea about three days ago for my short story, keeping it personal but not too revealing.
I chose to write about a woman on the morning(or middle of the night)of her wedding, a sleepless night during which she wonders if she's making the right decision in getting married.
It's mostly inner monologue, her fears of marriage and what she will be come once she 'loses her identity'.
She ends up staying up all night, analyzing the what ifs to death, and at the very last second, right before she walks down the aisle, realizes that her marriage will only be as great as she makes it.
Having just got married myself, I felt this was something I could relate to and write about, and I know that every woman who has been married has had some kind of doubt, even if it is fleeting.

Keep your fingers crossed for me!