Anti-Me

The past three months have been really tough for me. I lost my job, I'm still dealing with a certain ex which makes him feel like a current, not an ex, and I need to find a roommate and move so that I can afford to get by.

Things aren't cool.

I've never been out of work before, and I've worked for the same company for such a long time, I'm afraid I won't be able to find a job doing anything but that which I hate.
The worst is applying for job after job and receiving no response. Then suddenly, this week, the only response I've gotten is 'thanks for your application but you're not the right fit for us'.
It's completely disheartening and my stomach lurches everytime I open one of those emails.
It occurs to me that this is good practice for when I start querying(this year), so I'm glad to build a thick skin. But on the other hand, my survival relies on the 'we want you' email or phone call. I NEED this.

In the meantime, I'm trying my hardest to be disciplined with my writing but all of this job hunting has me feeling seriously discouraged and I'd rather sleep a few extra hours.

The good news(because there must always be good news after the bad)is that I spent the past two days doing things that are inspiring to me. Today, even after a rejection email, I feel that someday I will touch people the way I've been touched this week.
Want to know what I did??? Of course you do!!!
I....

Went to see Josh Groban!!!



He always puts on an amazing show and I had so much fun! Also, I converted a friend into a Grobanite which is all sorts of awesome. Even better, he explained the meaning behind one of his songs and it was like he'd written it for me. Here it is:



LOVE.

Also, here's me with my ticket. I was THAT excited.



And THEN!!!

I went to the Harry Potter 7 double feature last night with my two girlfriends. I was crying at the opening credits of the new movie. Also, I converted that same friend into a Potterhead.



Seeing this movie kind of felt like saying goodbye forever to my best friend. Everything fell into place, I was happy to see my favorite characters in the world, but when it was over, I felt empty inside. Is that weird? Almost like there was this void that could never be filled because it was just done. I can't believe it's all over! And I'll never see Ron Weasley again.



Super sad face. :(:(

BUT. Even through the emptiness, I still had that inspiration tugging at me, and I spent this morning thinking that someday, I WILL touch people the way I have been touched by these things.
I can't live in this hole forever, waiting for the day something will fall into my lap. I have to make it happen. I have to be Anti-Me.
Starting today.