SHHH!!!!

....I have a secret....

I've found THE ONE. You know...the one who makes your heart flutter with that feeling of magic...

I fall asleep with this One on my mind and think of this One each and every morning, first thing. I dream about our future together, about the happiness I know we'll have because, well, this is just IT.

My appetite is failing me(which is good, actually ;)

I've actually stayed in on several occasions to spend hours staring into bright eyes full of promise and meaning. Sometimes I don't even get out of bed.

To say this is an obsession is an understatement. This relationship is all-consuming. It is unique. It is beautiful.

It is perfect.

I've never fallen so into my writing as I have been over the past several weeks.
This feeling is something I've never experience before and it is by far the best in existence. Nothing has ever topped the euphoria of finding THE ONE.

What did you think I meant!?? Hahaha.

I've had the title for years. I just didn't have the story. Weird, right?
And then one night, I had this dream.
And then I saw this movie.
And then I logged onto Facebook and saw this post.

All of which I'll talk about later.

Let's just say all of these things were overwhelming and screamed in my face...and I got the hint.
I've hardly done anything but write since.

All I have to say???
THANK. GOD.

I've been waiting for this.

Writerly Distractions

CANNOT. STOP. WATCHING. And laughing.




Just because it's super funny.




Because I challenged a guy to a synchronized dance session the next time I saw him and have spent all my time memorizing these ultra-challenging dance moves(the running man?? Hell yeah.).

Also, I read 2 full books in 1 day, cleaned my whole apartment because I had a date, and made brownies. They were yummy.

Anyone else have something to distract me??

Anti-Me

The past three months have been really tough for me. I lost my job, I'm still dealing with a certain ex which makes him feel like a current, not an ex, and I need to find a roommate and move so that I can afford to get by.

Things aren't cool.

I've never been out of work before, and I've worked for the same company for such a long time, I'm afraid I won't be able to find a job doing anything but that which I hate.
The worst is applying for job after job and receiving no response. Then suddenly, this week, the only response I've gotten is 'thanks for your application but you're not the right fit for us'.
It's completely disheartening and my stomach lurches everytime I open one of those emails.
It occurs to me that this is good practice for when I start querying(this year), so I'm glad to build a thick skin. But on the other hand, my survival relies on the 'we want you' email or phone call. I NEED this.

In the meantime, I'm trying my hardest to be disciplined with my writing but all of this job hunting has me feeling seriously discouraged and I'd rather sleep a few extra hours.

The good news(because there must always be good news after the bad)is that I spent the past two days doing things that are inspiring to me. Today, even after a rejection email, I feel that someday I will touch people the way I've been touched this week.
Want to know what I did??? Of course you do!!!
I....

Went to see Josh Groban!!!



He always puts on an amazing show and I had so much fun! Also, I converted a friend into a Grobanite which is all sorts of awesome. Even better, he explained the meaning behind one of his songs and it was like he'd written it for me. Here it is:



LOVE.

Also, here's me with my ticket. I was THAT excited.



And THEN!!!

I went to the Harry Potter 7 double feature last night with my two girlfriends. I was crying at the opening credits of the new movie. Also, I converted that same friend into a Potterhead.



Seeing this movie kind of felt like saying goodbye forever to my best friend. Everything fell into place, I was happy to see my favorite characters in the world, but when it was over, I felt empty inside. Is that weird? Almost like there was this void that could never be filled because it was just done. I can't believe it's all over! And I'll never see Ron Weasley again.



Super sad face. :(:(

BUT. Even through the emptiness, I still had that inspiration tugging at me, and I spent this morning thinking that someday, I WILL touch people the way I have been touched by these things.
I can't live in this hole forever, waiting for the day something will fall into my lap. I have to make it happen. I have to be Anti-Me.
Starting today.

What I Should Be Doing At 1:35 AM...

...Is sleeping soundly.  
 
Not.  Happening.
 
So.
 
I was going to post a review of this AMAZING book I just finished last night except that I may have had a glass(bottle)of wine and cannot currently form a coherent sentence to save my life.  And I have all these quotes I want to find to further emphasize the AMAZINGNESS of the book I just finished so I need to do that when the words aren't dancing across the page before my eyes.  Weird that I can still type this, I know...
 
Anyway.
 
A couple of other things.  
It occurs to me that perhaps my lack of discipline has something to do with this:
 

 
This?  Is my workspace.  Everyone has posted a picture of their workspace, and now I'm posting mine.  
Please, let me elaborate on the items in said workspace:
 
1. The AMAZING book I just finished, which I will review when I am fully sober and full of AMAZING quotes.
 
2. The 3 books I started reading today, all at once, stacked one on top of the other for my viewing pleasure.
 
3. 2 drinks to fulfill my inability to commit to any one thing in my life.  A glass of wine and a bottle of water.  (I understand that this actually makes sense, but an hour ago, a cup of hot tea also sat beside the computer)
 
4. Earbuds, memory sticks, cough drops, chapstick, ibuprofen, CDs, the Target bag which earlier tonight held my new book and new movie, pens, makeup, remote controls, a notebook and sticky notes for my storyboard(not pictured).
 
5. Yummy smelling candle because I'm pretty sure something has died in my refrigerator except that I can't find it and I can't very well smell EVERYTHING in the fridge because what happens if I find the source of the dead smelling thing and it's so horrendous I actually barf which I am NOT cool with, so I just light candles in every room on the nights I take things out of the refrigerator.
 
6. My cell phone in case a boy calls.  ;)  Or just anyone calls.  Because I've given up on men.(Boys)
 
7. Perhaps the most important, my laptop, where I create things that I am not disciplined enough to finish.  :\
 
8. My floor cushion.  This cushion, believe it or not, boys, is NOT a cat bed.  I can't even begin to tell you how many boys think I store a cat bed beside my coffee table(yes, it's a huge clock, yes it works)which, you know, totally makes sense since I have NO cat.  This is where I park my behind when the discipline takes hold.
 
I hope you enjoy my workspace.  Because I do.  Even though my butt falls asleep after about 20 minutes and the TV is perfectly situated right above the computer for maximum viewing, and I don't have much space for my multiple beverages and I'm always afraid I'm going to spill on my computer...
 
Stay tuned for my review of the AMAZING book I just finished.  I believe I'm a little behind on its release date, but please, people, let's keep in mind that I'm UNEMPLOYED and looking for a sugar daddy and can't always keep up on the awesome books out there.  But I'm trying.
 
And if you know of any sugar daddies...well.
 
Just kidding!
 
Does anyone else out there have ridiculously messy workspaces, or am I alone??

Forever Fear

I've noticed something about myself recently.



I'm a commitment-phobe.
And I don't just mean with my relationships. Although that's a definite problem, too.

Thinking about my day-to-day, I've realized:

1. I don't have MUST-SEE-TV. I have 2 shows I love but I always miss them. Why? Because there's always something else going on and I can't make myself sit at home for any length of time to watch them. This also means I zone out when everyone is talking about said shows. Not fun.

2. I ALWAYS have at least 3 drinks within arm's reach. Usually water, iced tea, and hot tea. Or coffee. Because what if while I'm drinking my hot tea, I get too warm and I need something cold? How long does it take to finish a drink and move on to the next? Not long. And yet I can't handle it.

3. I have about 4 books I'm currently reading. I always have another option. This is an expensive habit. Perhaps I should think about that library card...

4. I have yet to make it past a second date without getting that twitchy, panicky feeling. What if there's someone better out there, someone with more in common with me? As of late, I've actually had my pick out of several men and I ran screaming in the opposite direction. Isn't this every girl's dream??? Not mine.

5. I've finished writing one book in my life. My ideas change with the season and although each story has huge potential(in my opinion!), I can't seem to finish writing one without moving on to another which "might" have a better chance of publication. I understand the need for discipline in my writing schedule and for writing down future ideas to leave them simmering on the backburner. I just can't seem to make it happen.

I'm not sure where this fear of commitment came from, but I do know it's something that needs to be rectified. I'll never make it anywhere in life if I'm always shoving away the Eh's before I've attempted to make them Ah's.

I suppose the easiest thing to start with is my drink collection. Today, I vow to finish one whole drink before pouring another! ;)

I want to change my writing habits for good, to focus on one thing at a time to make it the best it can be. I'll deal with the other big stuff later!

So I ask, have any of you dealt with this before? And what did you do to fix it?

T is for...Tea!

Because tea fixes everything, in my opinion.

Upset stomach?



I highly recommend mint tea. Not only is it yummy, but the peppermint soothes the icky feeling.

Bad day at work?



Pretty much any kind of tea helps with that, but I prefer black tea.

Super hot day outside and need immediate refreshment?



Iced tea. Nuff said.

Can't sleep?



Sleepytime tea. Mmmm yum.

Heading south?



You better specify if you DON'T want sweet tea. Because that's what you're going to get! And it's goooood when made by a true southerner. :) (Shoutout to my special GA friends!)

So the next time you need a beverage of any kind, give it a try! There's something for everyone.

S is for....Shopping!

I'm not your stereotypical girl. I hate Lifetime, despise dresses, and really just can't stand shopping.

UNLESS...








I've recently developed an obsession with all things Guess. Shoes and handbags, to be exact. Perhaps this is a problem considering I am also unemployed.

Also? I'm pretty sure Guess is a gateway drug to....




Donations, anyone?