Wednesday, June 29, 2011

What I Should Be Doing At 1:35 AM...

...Is sleeping soundly.  
Not.  Happening.
I was going to post a review of this AMAZING book I just finished last night except that I may have had a glass(bottle)of wine and cannot currently form a coherent sentence to save my life.  And I have all these quotes I want to find to further emphasize the AMAZINGNESS of the book I just finished so I need to do that when the words aren't dancing across the page before my eyes.  Weird that I can still type this, I know...
A couple of other things.  
It occurs to me that perhaps my lack of discipline has something to do with this:

This?  Is my workspace.  Everyone has posted a picture of their workspace, and now I'm posting mine.  
Please, let me elaborate on the items in said workspace:
1. The AMAZING book I just finished, which I will review when I am fully sober and full of AMAZING quotes.
2. The 3 books I started reading today, all at once, stacked one on top of the other for my viewing pleasure.
3. 2 drinks to fulfill my inability to commit to any one thing in my life.  A glass of wine and a bottle of water.  (I understand that this actually makes sense, but an hour ago, a cup of hot tea also sat beside the computer)
4. Earbuds, memory sticks, cough drops, chapstick, ibuprofen, CDs, the Target bag which earlier tonight held my new book and new movie, pens, makeup, remote controls, a notebook and sticky notes for my storyboard(not pictured).
5. Yummy smelling candle because I'm pretty sure something has died in my refrigerator except that I can't find it and I can't very well smell EVERYTHING in the fridge because what happens if I find the source of the dead smelling thing and it's so horrendous I actually barf which I am NOT cool with, so I just light candles in every room on the nights I take things out of the refrigerator.
6. My cell phone in case a boy calls.  ;)  Or just anyone calls.  Because I've given up on men.(Boys)
7. Perhaps the most important, my laptop, where I create things that I am not disciplined enough to finish.  :\
8. My floor cushion.  This cushion, believe it or not, boys, is NOT a cat bed.  I can't even begin to tell you how many boys think I store a cat bed beside my coffee table(yes, it's a huge clock, yes it works)which, you know, totally makes sense since I have NO cat.  This is where I park my behind when the discipline takes hold.
I hope you enjoy my workspace.  Because I do.  Even though my butt falls asleep after about 20 minutes and the TV is perfectly situated right above the computer for maximum viewing, and I don't have much space for my multiple beverages and I'm always afraid I'm going to spill on my computer...
Stay tuned for my review of the AMAZING book I just finished.  I believe I'm a little behind on its release date, but please, people, let's keep in mind that I'm UNEMPLOYED and looking for a sugar daddy and can't always keep up on the awesome books out there.  But I'm trying.
And if you know of any sugar daddies...well.
Just kidding!
Does anyone else out there have ridiculously messy workspaces, or am I alone??

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Forever Fear

I've noticed something about myself recently.

I'm a commitment-phobe.
And I don't just mean with my relationships. Although that's a definite problem, too.

Thinking about my day-to-day, I've realized:

1. I don't have MUST-SEE-TV. I have 2 shows I love but I always miss them. Why? Because there's always something else going on and I can't make myself sit at home for any length of time to watch them. This also means I zone out when everyone is talking about said shows. Not fun.

2. I ALWAYS have at least 3 drinks within arm's reach. Usually water, iced tea, and hot tea. Or coffee. Because what if while I'm drinking my hot tea, I get too warm and I need something cold? How long does it take to finish a drink and move on to the next? Not long. And yet I can't handle it.

3. I have about 4 books I'm currently reading. I always have another option. This is an expensive habit. Perhaps I should think about that library card...

4. I have yet to make it past a second date without getting that twitchy, panicky feeling. What if there's someone better out there, someone with more in common with me? As of late, I've actually had my pick out of several men and I ran screaming in the opposite direction. Isn't this every girl's dream??? Not mine.

5. I've finished writing one book in my life. My ideas change with the season and although each story has huge potential(in my opinion!), I can't seem to finish writing one without moving on to another which "might" have a better chance of publication. I understand the need for discipline in my writing schedule and for writing down future ideas to leave them simmering on the backburner. I just can't seem to make it happen.

I'm not sure where this fear of commitment came from, but I do know it's something that needs to be rectified. I'll never make it anywhere in life if I'm always shoving away the Eh's before I've attempted to make them Ah's.

I suppose the easiest thing to start with is my drink collection. Today, I vow to finish one whole drink before pouring another! ;)

I want to change my writing habits for good, to focus on one thing at a time to make it the best it can be. I'll deal with the other big stuff later!

So I ask, have any of you dealt with this before? And what did you do to fix it?