Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Forever Fear

I've noticed something about myself recently.

I'm a commitment-phobe.
And I don't just mean with my relationships. Although that's a definite problem, too.

Thinking about my day-to-day, I've realized:

1. I don't have MUST-SEE-TV. I have 2 shows I love but I always miss them. Why? Because there's always something else going on and I can't make myself sit at home for any length of time to watch them. This also means I zone out when everyone is talking about said shows. Not fun.

2. I ALWAYS have at least 3 drinks within arm's reach. Usually water, iced tea, and hot tea. Or coffee. Because what if while I'm drinking my hot tea, I get too warm and I need something cold? How long does it take to finish a drink and move on to the next? Not long. And yet I can't handle it.

3. I have about 4 books I'm currently reading. I always have another option. This is an expensive habit. Perhaps I should think about that library card...

4. I have yet to make it past a second date without getting that twitchy, panicky feeling. What if there's someone better out there, someone with more in common with me? As of late, I've actually had my pick out of several men and I ran screaming in the opposite direction. Isn't this every girl's dream??? Not mine.

5. I've finished writing one book in my life. My ideas change with the season and although each story has huge potential(in my opinion!), I can't seem to finish writing one without moving on to another which "might" have a better chance of publication. I understand the need for discipline in my writing schedule and for writing down future ideas to leave them simmering on the backburner. I just can't seem to make it happen.

I'm not sure where this fear of commitment came from, but I do know it's something that needs to be rectified. I'll never make it anywhere in life if I'm always shoving away the Eh's before I've attempted to make them Ah's.

I suppose the easiest thing to start with is my drink collection. Today, I vow to finish one whole drink before pouring another! ;)

I want to change my writing habits for good, to focus on one thing at a time to make it the best it can be. I'll deal with the other big stuff later!

So I ask, have any of you dealt with this before? And what did you do to fix it?


  1. 4 drinks at a time!? That is a lot. I guess I have the opposite problem: over-commitment, to the point that it gets too stressful to handle. I think starting with one thing at a time is a good idea.

  2. Ha! Oh man. I'm more of a "if I decide and choose wrong, my life is over" person. I have a fear of choosing, but not committing.

  3. Lol, I usually have 2 drinks on the go, but never 4! I hear you on many of the points - particularly about writing. I have many half written books and none complete. I am trying to rectify that though.

  4. the only thing i have in common with you is the date thing. And for me it's more like a "if i get serious about this relationship it means major changes in my life and i love my life right now and is this guy really worth possibly effing that up?"

  5. You have a fabulous blog! I want to award you with one of my homemade awards: Powerful Woman Writer Award for all the hard work you do!

    Go to and pick up your award.