Tuesday, August 18, 2009


I started paying attention to when I do my best writing. The events of the day, how I've been feeling, you know, my general mood.
And it seems to me that the more angry I become, the more adrenaline I have coursing through my veins, the more motivated I am to write. And everything I say surprises me, even years later.
For example:
I haven't touched my computer for any reason other than scoping out people on Facebook or reading up on my favorite bloggers since sometime near the end of 2008. This was mainly because I was so focused on my wedding, I couldn't hear myself think through the swarm of must-do's and ohmigod's buzzing in my brain.
Even after the wedding, I still had trouble getting back to my 'special place'. I was discouraged, even a little depressed. I know that a writer can't sit around and wait for inspiration and normally I don't. But I literally had no creative juices flowing and it was the worst time of my life.(The lack of inspiration, not being married! :)
Then one day I opened my email at work and there sat this two page letter from my mother-in-law who 'wanted to say a few things to me'.
And then proceeded to tell me that I was rude and disrespectful to her and her family and included incidents that have never even happened!
Then she delivered the biggest blow:
She had the nerve to say that my father-in-law, who employs my husband, is how my 'bread gets buttered'. Basically saying that without FIL and my husband, I would be nowhere and nothing.
The next day, I started writing again.
I decided, if subconsciously, that no one was going to make me feel like I had to rely on another in order to survive in this world. No one was going to tell me I wasn't good enough to do something.
This is my life, my world, all that I am. I WILL make it. I WILL butter my own bread.
And she can kiss my ass.

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